Things that make you laugh

[Lightning McQueen]

Your work doesn't employ a tea lady?

No, they're so 2018.

[Magellan]

Your work doesn't employ a tea lady?

No, they're so 2018.

Pity, good if you can get a jiggler (and not a dangler).

[Booney]

Our GM brought in a cake for national womans day (albeit a day late).

He announced across the office what the cake was for and for all the women to help themselves to a piece, curiosity got the better of me so I called out "Is it a flange?"

Some found it funny.

So only women got cake?

Go to the GM and say you are offended and need to take the rest of the day off to get over the blatant bias in the office

Then file a hurt feelings report

With a trolley and a tabard?

I got cake , I did ask one of the girls to collect my plate when I finished.

Your work doesn't employ a tea lady?

With a trolley and a tabard?

[Failed Creation]

Otherwise known as 'Wednesday' at my place...

You get steak every Wednesday?

I sure do!

[Spargo]

Etihad Stadium.
Roof closed for Ed Sheeran concert, temp soars above 35 degrees, no air con with 65k in attendance - people collapsing in no’s
Roof open for footy matches, sun in players eyes, terrible for tv viewers

[RustyCage]

You’d think some of them had never been to a concert before!

[Booney]

When he said "Space Force" he said it like someone was introducing a movie...

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/03/13/trump-f ... space.html

"Coming soon....Space Force"

President Donald Trump on Tuesday said his new national security strategy recognizes that space is a theater of war, and he floated the idea of creating a Space Force, a branch of the military that would operate outside of earth's atmosphere.

"Space is a war-fighting domain, just like the land, air, and sea," Trump told a an audience of service members at the Marine Corps Air Station Miramar. "We may even have a Space Force, develop another one, Space Force. We have the Air Force, we'll have the Space Force."

The president described how he'd originally coined the term as a joke, while discussing U.S. government spending and private investment in space. "I said, 'maybe we need a new force, we'll call it the Space Force,' and I was not really serious. Then I said, 'what a great idea,' maybe we'll have to do that," Trump told the crowd of Marines.

The lunatics are running the asylum.

[Magellan]

When he said "Space Force" he said it like someone was introducing a movie...

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/03/13/trump-f ... space.html

"Coming soon....Space Force"

President Donald Trump on Tuesday said his new national security strategy recognizes that space is a theater of war, and he floated the idea of creating a Space Force, a branch of the military that would operate outside of earth's atmosphere.

"Space is a war-fighting domain, just like the land, air, and sea," Trump told a an audience of service members at the Marine Corps Air Station Miramar. "We may even have a Space Force, develop another one, Space Force. We have the Air Force, we'll have the Space Force."

The president described how he'd originally coined the term as a joke, while discussing U.S. government spending and private investment in space. "I said, 'maybe we need a new force, we'll call it the Space Force,' and I was not really serious. Then I said, 'what a great idea,' maybe we'll have to do that," Trump told the crowd of Marines.

The lunatics are running the asylum.

About as effective and relevant as "Spaceballs."

[Pseudo]

When he said "Space Force" he said it like someone was introducing a movie...

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/03/13/trump-f ... space.html

"Coming soon....Space Force"

President Donald Trump on Tuesday said his new national security strategy recognizes that space is a theater of war, and he floated the idea of creating a Space Force, a branch of the military that would operate outside of earth's atmosphere.

"Space is a war-fighting domain, just like the land, air, and sea," Trump told a an audience of service members at the Marine Corps Air Station Miramar. "We may even have a Space Force, develop another one, Space Force. We have the Air Force, we'll have the Space Force."

The president described how he'd originally coined the term as a joke, while discussing U.S. government spending and private investment in space. "I said, 'maybe we need a new force, we'll call it the Space Force,' and I was not really serious. Then I said, 'what a great idea,' maybe we'll have to do that," Trump told the crowd of Marines.

The lunatics are running the asylum.

About as effective and relevant as "Spaceballs."

Or perhaps Hardware Wars?

"Youll laugh! You'll cry! You'll kiss 3 billion bucks goodbye!"

[Wedgie]

Someone from North Adelaide ringing me trying to get me to become a member telling me crowds are on the rise, he was talking to the wrong person who might know a little more than he does!

[Brodlach]

Someone from North Adelaide ringing me trying to get me to become a member telling me crowds are on the rise, he was talking to the wrong person who might know a little more than he does!

So Josh Carr gave you a call?

[Wedgie]

Someone from North Adelaide ringing me trying to get me to become a member telling me crowds are on the rise, he was talking to the wrong person who might know a little more than he does!

So Josh Carr gave you a call?

Nah, it was some guy I'd never heard of before. Probably someone goven a commission to sign people up, I don't think he was expecting a lecture about the SANFL of the last few years.

[Magellan]

Someone from North Adelaide ringing me trying to get me to become a member telling me crowds are on the rise, he was talking to the wrong person who might know a little more than he does!

So Josh Carr gave you a call?

Nah, it was some guy I'd never heard of before. Probably someone goven a commission to sign people up, I don't think he was expecting a lecture about the SANFL of the last few years.

I got the same call about a month or so ago, and gave the guy a similar rant about the state of the comp and the club. Definitely didn't expect it, and dished out some stock lines about getting behind the club, its grateful for your support, etc.

[Sheik Yerbouti]

I've gone the other way round, had a contract at the Grand North & the new management wouldn't cough up the full account, needed an order no. they reckoned even though the 5 years before it was all done on a phone call, once a year irrigation audit.
So, dropped my membership for 5 years, saved the $5 hunge they owed me & now rejoining as a member, important elections at the end of the year.

[Corona Man]

Filling in my kiwi census form this morning. Religion is now Jedi.

[Pseudo]

Filling in my kiwi census form this morning. Religion is now Jedi.

How many children did you have, and was their mother a sheep?

[Booney]

A PASSENGER who was fined $700 after receiving oral sex on a train has defended his actions, asking, “What man would have knocked it back?”

Shane Brennan, 38, said he began speaking to the woman — who had a “mad body” — on the platform, where she told him: “I’m horny, will you f*** me?”

The father of three, from Wollongong, south of Sydney, said the woman then started masturbating next to him, and he agreed to have her perform oral sex on him.

“[The woman] was pretty horny and ready to go,” he told Daily Mail Australia. “Toey as.

But their late-morning liaison was captured on the CCTV, and staff were waiting for the pair when the train pulled into Wollongong Railway Station.

Staff reported finding a “large and disgusting” liquid mess on the floor, which they originally thought was urine, but Brennan explained it was Cola that he had used to clean himself up.

“I got a blow job on the train and I was rinsing my c**k off,” he told officers, according to the Illawarra Mercury.

He later informed police he didn’t have to “pay for it”.

He told the Daily Mail he now regrets his actions after receiving a “bollocking” from a magistrate and having the encounter written up in the regional newspaper, and feared his partner may find out.

“As soon as the deed was done I was out of there and off ... I didn’t know they had cameras all throughout the train.”

The woman, who is known to police, confirmed Brennan’s story.

Brennan said no one was in the carriage during the 9.56am service, and their tryst was over within minutes.

“How can you be so lucky and unlucky in the one day?” he asked. “You’d think the train guard would’ve said ‘good on ya, mate.’”

He explained that he poured the bottle of Coke over his genitalia for hygiene reasons.

The woman was a little younger than him and “wasn’t a good sort”, he said. It is unclear whether she was penalised over their encounter, which Brennan believes is unfair.

“She was the one masturbating,” he said. “If she didn’t offer me nothing I wouldn’t have f***ing done it.”

He pleaded guilty to offensive behaviour and wilful and obscene exposure at Wollongong Local Court on Tuesday and was placed on a good behaviour bond. He said the magistrate “wasn’t happy” with him, which was “understandable”.

Brennan’s lawyer described the incident as “opportunistic”, noting that the encounter had only been witnessed by a few people, despite the time of day.

“The facts speak for themselves ... he took the opportunity that presented itself,” the solicitor said.

Magistrate Mark Douglass convicted Brennan on both counts, saying such behaviour would not be tolerated.

“There’s a line in relation to decency in our community and you have well and truly crossed it,” he said.

[HH3]

Hold on.......do you really need to use Coke to rinse yourself off after a gobby?

Its usually cleaner at the end then when you started, if she did her job right,

[MW]

Hold on.......do you really need to use Coke to rinse yourself off after a gobby?

Its usually cleaner at the end then when you started, if she did her job right,

You sir have a keeper...

[Footy Chick]

Filling in my kiwi census form this morning. Religion is now Jedi.

Good work. If you're ever accused of a murder that happened yesterday in Australia, you've now got a good alibi