BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[OnSong]

A mate of mine went to the doctor with a weird ailment. His balls were Yellow. the Doctor took one look and asked him "what do you do all day? because those balls are the yellowist I have ever seen."
"Well I am on holidays from work, so all i do is sit around the lounge eating twisties and watching pornos." my mate replied.

Twisties are Orange.

[Strawb]

A mate of mine went to the doctor with a weird ailment. His balls were Yellow. the Doctor took one look and asked him "what do you do all day? because those balls are the yellowist I have ever seen."
"Well I am on holidays from work, so all i do is sit around the lounge eating twisties and watching pornos." my mate replied.

Twisties are Orange.

chicken twisties are yellow

[OnSong]

A mate of mine went to the doctor with a weird ailment. His balls were Yellow. the Doctor took one look and asked him "what do you do all day? because those balls are the yellowist I have ever seen."
"Well I am on holidays from work, so all i do is sit around the lounge eating twisties and watching pornos." my mate replied.

Twisties are Orange.

chicken twisties are yellow

Oh! Snap!

[JK]

Sensitivity Training


The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.
The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier."
Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.
She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes, answered the Instructor."
I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?

[Strawb]

Sensitivity Training


The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.
The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier."
Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.
She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes, answered the Instructor."
I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?

That is Gold right there

[trev]

I was minding my own business on the bus yesterday when
A stunning young Thai lady boarded and sat right next to me
I thought to myself:
"Please don't get an erection"
"Please don't get an erection"

But she did!

[OnSong]

I was minding my own business on the bus yesterday when
A stunning young Thai lady boarded and sat right next to me
I thought to myself:
"Please don't get an erection"
"Please don't get an erection"

But she did!

Classic.

[Strawb]

I was minding my own business on the bus yesterday when
A stunning young Thai lady boarded and sat right next to me
I thought to myself:
"Please don't get an erection"
"Please don't get an erection"

But she did!

Classic.

+1 Gold joke again.

[The Dark Knight]

I was minding my own business on the bus yesterday when
A stunning young Thai lady boarded and sat right next to me
I thought to myself:
"Please don't get an erection"
"Please don't get an erection"

But she did!

Ha! Gold Trev

[Media Park]

Nice call Trev...

[Drop Bear]

The missus was watching a cooking program the other day.

I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, "You watch porn."

[sapaul]

Here is a great story without a word being said apart from the dialogue at the end.. it may bring a tear to your eye....





























THE GERMAN TOURIST JUMPED IN AND SAVED THE DOG.
UPON GETTING BACK UP ON THE BRIDGE HE CHECKED THE DOG OUT AND TOLD THE OWNER THAT
"ZER DOG IS OK, AND VILL BE FINE"


SHE ASKED IF HE WAS A VET?


HE REPLIED, "VET, I'M F***ING SOAKED!"

[OnSong]

HAHAHA!

[Media Park]

The missus was watching a cooking program the other day.

I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, "You watch porn."

Rate that!

[mickey]

When I told Joseph Fritzl that women were like a fine wine,
I'm not sure he quite understood.

[Baron Greenback]

When I told Joseph Fritzl that women were like a fine wine,
I'm not sure he quite understood.

Ha!

[mickey]

Opinions are like dicks, it's always wrong if a woman has one.

[Strawb]

They've had to cancel the panto 'jack & the beanstalk',in Birmingham ,Oldham,Bradford, Burnley ,Leicester & Luton:
because the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.

[Strawb]

Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!

[brod]

The missus was watching a cooking program the other day.

I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, "You watch porn."

Rate that!

Ive stolen that and told it to anyone who will listen