by woodublieve12 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:06 pm
by JK » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:22 pm
by gadj1976 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:51 pm
by woodublieve12 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:57 pm
gadj1976 wrote:Please please don't take this the wrong way, this is a genuine question. How many times can you ask someone if they're ok before they don't take it serious - and how do you keep the message relevant?
Recently I heard that either Dunstall or someone close to Frawley 'stopped asking' because he felt like it was bordering on badgering (my words, not his).
by The Bedge » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:58 pm
Dolphin Treasure wrote:Your an attention seeking embarsement..
by woodublieve12 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:01 pm
The Bedge wrote:Just personal belief - and someone whose managed having depression for most my life, but asking "Are you ok?" is more often than not a closed question that doesn't really help - those really struggling, or who dont like to open up are just going to tell you everything is fine or similar and that's that.
Need to ask people questions that make them give a bit more of an answer.
by gadj1976 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:09 pm
The Bedge wrote:Just personal belief - and someone whose managed having depression for most my life, but asking "Are you ok?" is more often than not a closed question that doesn't really help - those really struggling, or who dont like to open up are just going to tell you everything is fine or similar and that's that.
Need to ask people questions that make them give a bit more of an answer.
by Lightning McQueen » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:31 pm
gadj1976 wrote:
I think that's answered my question Bedge. Cheers bud.
I must admit, when I was going through a rough trot if someone asked me repeatedly if I was ok or "what's wrong" I would get even more introverted and angrier and repeal from society even more.
by gadj1976 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:39 pm
Lightning McQueen wrote:gadj1976 wrote:
I think that's answered my question Bedge. Cheers bud.
I must admit, when I was going through a rough trot if someone asked me repeatedly if I was ok or "what's wrong" I would get even more introverted and angrier and repeal from society even more.
Exactly, I don't think we need an "RUOK" Day, I think it's more of a piss-take as everyone goes around asking everyone followed by a rye giggle.
If you are of genuine belief that someone isn't ok, don't ask them, just be there for them, make them laugh, tell them something good about themselves, talk about something you know they'll like to talk about, then they are more likely to elaborate on any issues they have.
I was in a dark place last Thursday and the last thing I wanted was a string of people asking if I was ok, especially when they knew that I wasn't.
by woodublieve12 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:03 pm
by Lightning McQueen » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:03 pm
gadj1976 wrote:Lightning McQueen wrote:gadj1976 wrote:
I think that's answered my question Bedge. Cheers bud.
I must admit, when I was going through a rough trot if someone asked me repeatedly if I was ok or "what's wrong" I would get even more introverted and angrier and repeal from society even more.
Exactly, I don't think we need an "RUOK" Day, I think it's more of a piss-take as everyone goes around asking everyone followed by a rye giggle.
If you are of genuine belief that someone isn't ok, don't ask them, just be there for them, make them laugh, tell them something good about themselves, talk about something you know they'll like to talk about, then they are more likely to elaborate on any issues they have.
I was in a dark place last Thursday and the last thing I wanted was a string of people asking if I was ok, especially when they knew that I wasn't.
That's interesting because when I was at a low point - I'm not now - I first heard about RUOK day (through a mate of mine who lost a counterpart to suicide) and thought it was a bit of a gimmick. I certainly didn't take it seriously. I get 'why' it was developed and I do think it raises the profile of depression and suicide but I did think it was gimmicky at the time. Now I can appreciate it more I still wonder if it misses the mark for those who are struggling. I do think like Bedge said, changing the question and as you say, being there is more appropriate.
by Lightning McQueen » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:06 pm
woodublieve12 wrote:I don't think it's about the question, but the discussion around it....
by woodublieve12 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:10 pm
Lightning McQueen wrote:woodublieve12 wrote:I don't think it's about the question, but the discussion around it....
It's a little too direct and less that 1% of people are going to reply with "No", despite what's going on in their head.
And then there's the awkwardness of them answering "No", and the person asking wasn't expecting it.
by Booney » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:18 pm
The Bedge wrote:Just personal belief - and someone whose managed having depression for most my life, but asking "Are you ok?" is more often than not a closed question that doesn't really help - those really struggling, or who dont like to open up are just going to tell you everything is fine or similar and that's that.
Need to ask people questions that make them give a bit more of an answer.
by The Bedge » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:26 pm
Booney wrote:A mate was looking a bit down recently, I'd asked if he was ok, he said he was, I took it to the next step by explaining to him how I was viewing him at that point, how I had seen changes, how I had noticed he wasn't his normal self. It got him to open up more than just "You alright mate?".
Dolphin Treasure wrote:Your an attention seeking embarsement..
by Lightning McQueen » Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:42 pm
woodublieve12 wrote:Lightning McQueen wrote:woodublieve12 wrote:I don't think it's about the question, but the discussion around it....
It's a little too direct and less that 1% of people are going to reply with "No", despite what's going on in their head.
And then there's the awkwardness of them answering "No", and the person asking wasn't expecting it.
couldn't agree more...
I've been asked the same question countless times and repeatedly said "yes".... Me not talking up and being stubborn and pushing everything away was a contributing issues to my marriage failing, Gee it took for my world to fall apart to speak to someone...
people i've spoken to about the issues ive had are genuinely shocked because of how i act...
I just used the heading for this group, because of obvious reasons, happy to change it
by gadj1976 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 8:47 pm
Lightning McQueen wrote:gadj1976 wrote:Lightning McQueen wrote:gadj1976 wrote:
I think that's answered my question Bedge. Cheers bud.
I must admit, when I was going through a rough trot if someone asked me repeatedly if I was ok or "what's wrong" I would get even more introverted and angrier and repeal from society even more.
Exactly, I don't think we need an "RUOK" Day, I think it's more of a piss-take as everyone goes around asking everyone followed by a rye giggle.
If you are of genuine belief that someone isn't ok, don't ask them, just be there for them, make them laugh, tell them something good about themselves, talk about something you know they'll like to talk about, then they are more likely to elaborate on any issues they have.
I was in a dark place last Thursday and the last thing I wanted was a string of people asking if I was ok, especially when they knew that I wasn't.
That's interesting because when I was at a low point - I'm not now - I first heard about RUOK day (through a mate of mine who lost a counterpart to suicide) and thought it was a bit of a gimmick. I certainly didn't take it seriously. I get 'why' it was developed and I do think it raises the profile of depression and suicide but I did think it was gimmicky at the time. Now I can appreciate it more I still wonder if it misses the mark for those who are struggling. I do think like Bedge said, changing the question and as you say, being there is more appropriate.
My point being that every day you should be aware of those around you and their behavioural patterns, it's not hard to work out if someone isn't running on all cylinders and it's not that hard to work out if it's a short term or long term issue.
I may be a clown, a dickhead and a nuisance at times but I'm the first one to find time to get a colleague alone and gain their trust to open up to me and give them the support they need at the level that they are comfortable with.
I'd rather be told that it's none of my business than to have thought that I could've made more of a an effort.
by Dutchy » Thu Sep 19, 2019 8:47 pm
by whufc » Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:45 am
The Bedge wrote:Just personal belief - and someone whose managed having depression for most my life, but asking "Are you ok?" is more often than not a closed question that doesn't really help - those really struggling, or who dont like to open up are just going to tell you everything is fine or similar and that's that.
Need to ask people questions that make them give a bit more of an answer.
by whufc » Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:51 am
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