BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[trev]

Hope no one is offended by this, my tongue is firmly in cheek.


I was walking through the park the other day and spotted a gorgeous girl coming my way. As she approached me our eyes met and sparks flew... She dropped to the ground and I got down and made passionate love to her, and thought to myself "These tazer guns are worth every cent..."

[Strawb]

Hope no one is offended by this, my tongue is firmly in cheek.


I was walking through the park the other day and spotted a gorgeous girl coming my way. As she approached me our eyes met and sparks flew... She dropped to the ground and I got down and made passionate love to her, and thought to myself "These tazer guns are worth every cent..."

That is one shocking Joke. Love it

[Strawb]

I went picking up chicks the other night and found out the best line is "does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

[fish]

I went picking up chicks the other night and found out the best line is "does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

Speaking of chicks - I used to turn heads; Now I only turn stomachs.

[Vinney]

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Mal the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Mal revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Bayman the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Bayman thought about this and said that he could arrange for Mal to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause Mal readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Bayman made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Bayman informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Mal would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Mal to their chambers.. Bayman then slipped Mal the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Mal worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Mal left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Mal found Bayman demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Mal couldn't have cared less knowing that Bayman could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Bayman slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Mal.

[steiger]

Poor old Mal - it's a bit like backing racehorses, you win some and you lose some

[Alaska]

Friendly Advice

Please, take care of yourself.

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and shit like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.

[Strawb]

Blonde Chick goes into Big W and buys a christmas tree.
The guy on the checkout asks "Are you going to put it up yourself?"
To which she replies "No it is going in the lounge room you sicko."

[Iron Fist]

I lost the trivia contest last night by 1pt. The last question was, "where do women have the curliest hair?"
apparently the correct answer is Fiji.

[Strawb]

I lost the trivia contest last night by 1pt. The last question was, "where do women have the curliest hair?"
apparently the correct answer is Fiji.

HAHAHAHA Love it top work Fisty

[OnSong]

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Feminists can't change anything.

[OnSong]

How many dyslexics does it take to change a light blub?

[Booney]

Mrs.Boon and I have a new bedroom system in place.

I said to her, "If you want sex, pull on it once. If you dont, pull on it 145 times."

[Media Park]

Chuck Norris once had sex in a semi truck. A drop of his semen soaked into the seat and became infused with the truck. The truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

[Strawb]

I remember being pulled over by the police one night and the police officer asked me "I can tell you are drunk?" I ask "how is there a fat chick in the back of the ute?"

[trev]

Being bald, I like to go into Hairdressers and ask them to sort out my perm
The look of confusion soon changes to one of horror by the time my pants are around my ankles.

[The Dark Knight]

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Feminists can't change anything.

That's classic OS

[mal]

Guiness book of records
A paedophile was caught speeding doing 26km in a school zone

[Media Park]

I remember being pulled over by the police one night and the police officer asked me "I can tell you are drunk?" I ask "how is there a fat chick in the back of the ute?"

Nice one Strawb

[Strawb]

My wife just got a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh. I cannot hear the sea but I sure can smell it.