Rugby League Explained - A service for bandwagon Storm fans

[Rik E Boy]

Thinking of going to the game, but don't know what colours the Storm are or even what sport they play? Follow REB's League guide and follow Victoria's trendiest Septemember diversion. Look the part!!

The kick off

The game starts when one team kicks it to the other. Eventually the ball ends up in the hands on one of the biggest fuggers you have ever seen outside of the Sumo wrestling ring. The big fugger with no neck grabs the pill and puts all of his massive power into running into an even bigger fugger who is all of ten metres away, and that is if the Referee is doing his job properly.

The big fugger with the ball gets tackled by the even bigger fugger and a whole bunch of big motherfuggas dive on his sorry ar5e while he clutches the pill to his massive chest and wriggles like a worm caught on a hook. After 90 seconds or so, the fans awake from their slumber and shout GETORFIMYABASTAD!!

The do this four more times. In an 'exciting' game a Centre might accidently keep the ball alive, going forward by passing it backwards! If he's not asleep a big fugger who can run might run...wait for it...15 TO 20 METRES!! Whenever this happens it's erections around and the 10 thousand people in the stands might even stop drinking their Tooheys New and watch the game they love so much, the millions who watch it on TV though, do not as they shove another goldie into the pokie machine.

Normally though it five times big fugger running into bigger fugger scenario. However, on the last tackle the team with the ball actually has to do something. The refereee has to count to six so that makes your average Rugby League ref smarter than the mongrel that pays whatever the Putriaco crowd wants against your unfairly victimisied Victorian team.

In an amazing display, the 'playmaker' (normally the half back but sometimes the five eighth) will actually KICK (this one in six ratio is why it's called Football in NSW and Qld) the ball but hold your horses Australian Rules fans..he's only trying to kick it out of bounds...it's allowed so don't embarrass yourself by shouting DELIBERATE. League fans also take a dim view of you shouting BALL every time the big fugger is tackled by the even bigger fugger.

The scrum

After this brilliant kick, they have one of those funny scrum things. They all bow their heads in prayer but because this isn't Rugby Union, they actually talk to each other instead of indulging in prayer...

ST GEORGE: What in the bloody hell are we doing this for?
MELBOURNE: Hurry up, my back hurts
ST GEORGE: That's cos you've got too many bandwaggoners
MELBLOURNE: Hey who dropped one!!
ST GEORGE: 5hit!! The balls out!!

In League, the scrum is just a way of restarting play. It would be more exciting and include more unpredictability if they were to restart the game with a quick round of two up..this would increase the betting on League no end and provide some entertainment for bemused Melbournians. You could include most tosses won and lost and heads, tails, evens stats and everything. You could even award a yearly medal for the best tosser.

Then the ball just gets fed into the second row (the bigger fuggers) and the team with the feed nearly always wins the scrum, making it a complete waste of time. When I was a youngster, teams used to regularly win against the feed..I read in Rugby League Week once that there was 132 rules for the scrum, they must have gotten rid of 131 of them to include only one. Feed it through the legs of the kegs.

Scoring

The objective of the game is to score a try. This is when a bigger fugger drags three big fuggers over the line and the entire crowd stares at a blank video screen, or more likely nips off to the bar or to the trough for a quick slash while a vision impaired, compter illiterate video ref bravely fires back the decision of 'Refs Call' (LMAO). Of course, some trys are better than others. The smaller, quicker blokes will often go wide and try and dive on that barber pole and plant the ball over the line, if they manage to knock over the pole, they get a free haircut. You can't however, do a touchdown because most League players struggle to speak coherently, let alone sing.

Then they do a conversion. They invite all of the Australian Rules fans on to the ground and pour Gatorade over thier heads and say 'You are now league fans, now you only need to attend three matches a year to become a hard core fan' and then a bloke behind the ceremony will kick the ball through the uprights. Four points for the try, two for the conversion. The lazy goal umpires can only be ar5ed waving one flag.

Melbourne 6
St George 0

Now that Melbourne has scored, St George have to kick the ball back to them. It was this brilliant sporting innovation that lead to St George winning 11 straight premierships in a row. When you get on top in League, a rout is on the cards. In the semis the other week, The Brisbane Broncos won by 50-6 and St George beat Manly by 28-0. Little wonder then that Soccer is considered the big threat to Australian Rules Football.

At the Game

By now you have a sore ar5e from sitting at a substandard venue and that bloke from Sydney is giving you the tom tits. If you're lucky you have witnessed a Melbourne victory and if you are even luckier both teams will have scored. Don't be caught out..just boo when everyone else boos and shake your head in disgust when everyone is applauding. There is high entertainment available with this unique drinking game..for every scrum, skull a beer. You can get them easily when the play is on, it's not like you will be missing anything. Maybe get a few pints when St George score because your mob might not get the ball back for awhile.

As you can see, you can be the knowledgeable sports fan for all seasons and have fun at the League.

Better still, get yourself down to the artist formerly known as Craptus Oval and watch Geelong play Sandy in the VFL Grand Final.

regards,

REB

[am Bays]

Blow that whistle ref!!

Nothing in The Courier Mail this morning REB.....

[Rik E Boy]

Wouldn't know mate, never read the rubbish. It's like the Carptiser except they use the Edit/Replace function....Find Adelaide Crows Replace with Brisbane Broncos. Thier whole staff is probably half a dozen photographers and a guy on a PC LOL.

regards,

REB

[Mr66]

LOL, REB

[GWW]

I've always thought myself that they should reduce the tackle count to 2, and reduce the size of the ground - the only time anything actually happens is on the sixth tackle!!!!!!! Watching big guys get thrown on the ground time after time just isn't excitement for me.

Ridiculous sport, so very BORING, Rugby Union much better even though i dont understand the rules there either, but at least theres a bit of running and skill displayed!!

[Wedgie]

Ridiculous sport, so very BORING, Rugby Union much better even though i dont understand the rules there either, but at least theres a bit of running and skill displayed!!

Are you kidding or have you got League and Union mixed up?
Union is the game that somtimes has scorelines of 21-18 with not a try score.
League is the game where there's more running, less kicking and more tries.
Good ARL players walk into the Wallabies, the reverse certainly cannot be said with the occasional exception such as Michael O'Connor and Ricky Stuart but they left Union early on.

Union is a better game to play though, very tactical and more about meterage gained as opposed to big runs and exciting tries.
Union looks so amateur to watch with the amount of knock ons that go unnoticed, not to mention ear biting and stomping.

[GWW]

Ridiculous sport, so very BORING, Rugby Union much better even though i dont understand the rules there either, but at least theres a bit of running and skill displayed!!

Are you kidding or have you got League and Union mixed up?
Union is the game that somtimes has scorelines of 21-18 with not a try score.
League is the game where there's more running, less kicking and more tries.
Good ARL players walk into the Wallabies, the reverse certainly cannot be said with the occasional exception such as Michael O'Connor and Ricky Stuart but they left Union early on.

Union is a better game to play though, very tactical and more about meterage gained as opposed to big runs and exciting tries.
Union looks so amateur to watch with the amount of knock ons that go unnoticed, not to mention ear biting and stomping.

No i know which is which, but obviously i'm commenting as someone who doesn't know much about the intricacies of both sports. But i DO know which code is which, and to me Union is much better. I'm not really concerned with the closeness of the games, just the spectacle itself. I've seen Campese play Union and the guy had great skills, he reminded me of some Aussie Rules players with his unique skills, but i couldn't say the same thing for League.

I can sit down and watch a Union test match, but i'll try and watch a League game thinking "ok this time it will be more exciting i'm sure", but what happens, 5 guys get thrown on the ground, and before you know it the possession of the ball changes hands and its basically a repeat of what happened with the other team. I much prefer the "running game".

[Wedgie]

[
I can sit down and watch a Union test match, but i'll try and watch a League game thinking "ok this time it will be more exciting i'm sure", but what happens, 5 guys get thrown on the ground, and before you know it the possession of the ball changes hands and its basically a repeat of what happened with the other team. I much prefer the "running game".

Fair enough, I prefer the great running and tries to goalkicking and field position but as I said I'd rather play union, especially as I would be thrown in the forwards, League would be too tough for me!

Moved thread to "Other Sports" as not really about AFL.

[Magpiespower]

G-Dub, watch five minutes of Darren Lockyer and Greg Inglis this weekend and you might change your mind.

Then of course there's Joey Johns, the most dominant footballer in the world...

[GWW]

G-Dub, watch five minutes of Darren Lockyer and Greg Inglis this weekend and you might change your mind.

Then of course there's Joey Johns, the most dominant footballer in the world...

Nah i've seen enough to make up my mind its S***

[MagicKiwi]

GWW, my Dad and I have given League plenty of tries and like you, can't do it. We got a couple of big games here at Adelaide Oval circa 15 years ago (St George/Canberra) and then the Rams began. Did the right thing and tried very hard to enjoy but....

Rugby Union will always be the Game They Play in Heaven.

[am Bays]

Ridiculous sport, so very BORING, Rugby Union much better even though i dont understand the rules there either, but at least theres a bit of running and skill displayed!!

Are you kidding or have you got League and Union mixed up?
Union is the game that somtimes has scorelines of 21-18 with not a try score.
League is the game where there's more running, less kicking and more tries.
Good ARL players walk into the Wallabies, the reverse certainly cannot be said with the occasional exception such as Michael O'Connor and Ricky Stuart but they left Union early on.

Union is a better game to play though, very tactical and more about meterage gained as opposed to big runs and exciting tries.
Union looks so amateur to watch with the amount of knock ons that go unnoticed, not to mention ear biting and stomping.

Wedgie, you obviously never had the pleasure of watching the 1984, '85 and '96 tryfest Grand Finals when it was Canterbury 6 - Parramatta 4, Canterbury 5 - St george 4, Parramatta 6 - Canterbury 4. FFS, the last time I saw a tryless test in Union was the 99 World Cup Semi final when it 24-21 after extra time and the Australians had two tries prevented by hands in the ruck by the Sth Efricens and the northern hemnispherer ref had no idea......

Union by a street over League.

In short i know both games ccan be shockes at times but when Unions is great is is a maginificent game to watch e.g the 2002 (I think) Bledisloe test match when it was NZ 24-0 after 20 min but 24-21 at half time and New Zealand only won with a try in in the last phase of play when Lomu ran over three Australias like a mack track over cane toads!!! where as league is only ever "good to watch" .g 2004 game three SOO series and 89 GF

[Wedgie]

Wedgie, you obviously never had the pleasure of watching the 1984, '85 and '96 tryfest Grand Finals when it was Canterbury 6 - Parramatta 4, Canterbury 5 - St george 4, Parramatta 6 - Canterbury 4.

Sorry mate my mistake, I thought it was 2006.
Mind you if I was a Bays supporter I'd try and remain stuck in the 80s too.

[am Bays]

I knew I'd get that comment from you but my point is you make the claim about what a try fest league is but those of us that have watched it for a long time know that it can be an incredibly boring dull game, and that IMHO is why a good of union shites allover a good game of league.....

Off to put on my favourite REO Speedwagon LP.....

[Wedgie]

I knew I'd get that comment from you but my point is you make the claim about what a try fest league is but those of us that have watched it for a long time know that it can be an incredibly boring dull game, and that IMHO is why a good of union shites allover a good game of league.....

Off to put on my favourite REO Speedwagon LP.....

I think the fact that you have to go back to 84,85 and 86 when I can go back to a game earlier this year beautifully sums up my point.
League's about tries, Union's about field position.
As I said previously, if you just enjoy a game of blokes slotting throuugh goals from 50 metres out with no tries and no running than stick with Union, also give lawn bowls a go, you'll probably find its probably an improvement.
And just remember you can't fight this feeling!

[am Bays]

I won't deny that 10 man rugby of the English variety is boring to watch a la the 1991 semi final win of England 6 - Scotland 3 in 1991 and a good game of league beats that shit hands down.

However when the game is played as William Web Ellis intended, i.e to run with the ball a la Campese in the other semi final that year with his two great tries, well it is a fait accompli which game is better

The 1991 World Cup showed the best and worst of rugby and as I said before the best of rugby sh!tes all over League.

mind you the worst of rugby with its multi phases as they try to get field position still beats the worst of league

Play the ball (PTB) Dummy half (DH) pass whump tackle, "held - one", PTB, DH run crash tackle, "held - two" PTB, DH pass bang tackle "held three", PTB, DH pass, off load, jink head wobble, smash tackle, "held four" PTB, DH pass, pass, pass, whump tackle, "held five", (we've only made 20 m) PTB DH pass kick, 40 m to the back three of the defence who have dropped back for the kick that blind freddy knows is going to occur - run, crash tackle "gedorfmypric" "held -one"

here we go again.....

[Wedgie]

Mate, I know when you get in your "here we go again" mood that you can't be wrong, as I said, full marks to you for liking such a boring game, you're quite welcome to it and there's lots of boring people like you, I admire your patience and perhaps similar to the SANFL you like seeing the 2nd best players going around so I can understand where you're coming from there.
I give you full marks for admiring such a crap sport but you don't give me any credit for having thoughts of my own.
Im disappointed, I respect your opinion, surely you should respect mine for liking the more exciting game with tries instead of just kicking.
And unlike you I'll give credit where its due, I really like Rugby Union gear and Cantebury socks are my favourite.

Let's just leave it with the age old saying:

Rugby League is a gentleman's game played by bastards.
Rugby Union is a bastard's game played by gentlemen.

I'm sure you'll be able to agree with me on that one.

[heater31]

Let's just leave it with the age old saying:

Rugby League is a gentleman's game played by bastards.
Rugby Union is a bastard's game played by gentlemen.

Sums it up perfectly, for me I still play a bastard's game instead being one

[am Bays]

Mate, I know when you get in your "here we go again" mood that you can't be wrong,

Do I really give that impression? That's pretty perceptive of you....

Or are you just like a Sturt supporter trying to argue that Sturt were better than North in the 20th century, i.e. fighting an arguement you just can't win.....

Never meant to have a go at you for liking league was just pointing a few examples of where thing aren't always what we perceive to be vis-a- vis try scoring.....

As you say, to each their own...play on

Like you I once liked league, started to turn after the '89 GF......

Hey, let me guess that was when you first started to follow Canberra and League, you naturally went for any team that was playing against one in black and gold!!!.....

[Wedgie]

Like you I once liked league, started to turn after the '89 GF......

Hey, let me guess that was when you first started to follow Canberra and league, and you naturally went for any team that was playing against a black and gold team.....

Close, I actually started in the early 80s and followed Manly because my old man followed Parra.
I always thought of Balmain as being closer to orange and black too.
I did however start following Canberra in 1990 (1 year off your guess) in about July that year when I was working in Canberra, couldn't help but fall in love with the Green Machine.

I actually enjoy English Rugby League more than NRL these days.