BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[Baron Greenback]

Q. How do you know if elephants have been having sex in your front yard?

A. The garden's flat and you're out of bin liners.

[Baron Greenback]

Q. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A. "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"

Q. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A. Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.

Q. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A. "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

[Baron Greenback]

Q. How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
A. Two in the front, two in the back.

Q. What game do four elephants in a mini play?
A. Squash

Q. How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

Q. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.

Q. The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one?
A. The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.

Q. How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
A. The door won't close.

Q. How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
A. There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.

[Baron Greenback]

Q. Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A. So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.

Q. Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard?
A. No, of course not.

[Baron Greenback]

Q. How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A. Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".

[Baron Greenback]

Q. How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A. With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q. How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A. Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

[Baron Greenback]

Q. Why are elephants wrinkled?
A. Have you ever tried to iron one?

[Baron Greenback]

Q. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.

Q. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It was glued to the first one.

Q. Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It thought it was a game.

Q. And why did the tree fall down?
A. It thought it was an elephant.

[Baron Greenback]

Q. How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A. Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.

Q. How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A. Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.

Q. How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen?
A. 2 in the front and 2 in the back

Q. How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
A. Can't get the fridge door closed.

Q. How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A. There's a VW parked outside it.

Q. How do you get 8(!) elephants in a fridge?
A. Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge, A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's!

Q. How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
A. Open door, get two VW's out, put Tarzan in, close door.

Q. How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A. You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO

Q. How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A. You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!

Q. Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A. The fridge isn't large enough to hold them all.

Q. How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A. Depends on the number of elephants.

Q. What did the fifth elephant in the VW discover?
A. The sun roof.

Q. The Lion (king of the animals) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
A. They were stuck in the VW.

Q. How many giraffes can you fit in a VW?
A. None, the elephants are in there!

[Baron Greenback]

Q. What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A. Optimistic!

[Baron Greenback]

Q. What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A. Sole use of the elevator.

[Baron Greenback]

Q. How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A. It's bike is outside.

Q. How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A. There is a dent in the cross-bar.

Q. How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A. Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

[Baron Greenback]

Q. Why do elephants wear sandals?
A. So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q. Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A. To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

[silicone skyline]

This thread (sorry CN) has hit a new low there

[Mythical Creature]

A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

[Mythical Creature]

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant
his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the
ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able
to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my
troubles would be over.
I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa


A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived
and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the
old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do
under the circumstances.

Love you,
Vinnie

[Baron Greenback]

This thread (sorry CN) has hit a new low there

Nothing wrong with elephant jokes!

[mal]

100th PAGE



Anyone who remembers every joke on the 100 pages would have a memory like an Elephant ...

[Bob Loblaw]

100th PAGE

finished your joke yet??

[Bob Loblaw]

QUIZ

Who was the first to land on Australian soil ?
Not including Indigenous peoples

Answers ?

I will reveal the first later

i think its time the 10 page, 2 month old question is answered mally