REB's 2015 Season predictionADELAIDE: Will huff and puff but blow nobody’s house down. Those pointing out areas in which the Cows can improve will have conveniently forgotten that other clubs will be trying to improve as well. By appointing a captain as dumb as a post Tex could inadvertently get on a plane when a home game is on which leaves the forward line manned by a bunch of has beens and hacks and a small forward who regularly appears on milk cartons. 9th
BRISBANE: The medical room will be braced for multiple attacks of dizziness in the squad as the powerful midfield runs around in circles after kicking it to….um….no one and having opposition defences rebound the ball straight back out again. The Patfulls of losing a key defender will become apparent but it has to be said that this season will be one of improvement for the Lions. But if they can remember to put the left boot on the left foot that would also represent a giant leap forward for the Brions. 10th
CARLTON: The Blues have been booked as one of the headliner acts of the Melbourne Comedy Festival this season as this squad is an absolute joke. When you are recruiting blokes like Liam Jones you know it’s going to be a long season ahead. My prediction for the Blues this year is that the Lygon Street Crew will put a hit out on Mick Malthouse after he pisses off the wrong person at a press conference. 16th
COLLINGWOOD: The Pies have gotten rid of all the bad boys now and have acquired real leadership after they parted ways with Nick Haxwell. With no Harry-O pissing everyone off and with only 16 injuries to start the season the Pies are in good shape. Yeah, losing Beams was a worry but I reckon FIGJAM’s youngsters might sneak into the top eight. 8th
ESSENDON: With the injection of exciting young talent Paul Chapman, James Gwilt and Paul Chapman joining the club, missing the finals would be a bitter pill to swallow. However, with the talented Paddy Ryder leaving for Tealer pastures, the Bombers might have to take their medicine this season. You couldn’t imagine ASADA tale at this once proud club. 11th
FREMANTLE: Nobody wants to join Freo but the good news is that no one wants to leave either. This means that Ross has convinced everyone that this is the year his no premiership brand of soccer will be the breakthrough. With a strong midfield with big bodies Freo will go deep into September but once again their ship won’t come in. The good news for Freo is that their list is so old that they won’t have to worry about Ben Cousins like Icescapes. 4th
GEELONG: This once champion team is clinging to former glory but it looks all over and it is time Geelong faced their Demons. Geelong is sure to improve this season as they won’t go out in straight sets this year, they’ll go out in week one and make history by losing to Gold Coast in the Elimination Final. Except Joel Selwood to win the Brownlow and have no trouble ducking his head to accept the medal. 6th
GOLD COAST: Last year when Ablett’s shoulder joint fell off, the Coast stunk up the joint. Rodney will be sure to give them a Rocket or two this year to get this talented list to finally start sharing the load but I think he can do this and the Suns will really take off. With or without Ablett, this is the year for the Suns. 7th
GWS: The Giants are going to be huge in a few years and already their best 22 looks formidable. I don’t think they can make the finals this year as their second ruck is a Giant sized problem and the forward line is a worry with Patton down and Boyd in the Doghouse. Expect that Borat theme song to have the Cossacks hopping a bit more this season, especially at home. 14th
HAWTHORN: When you have brown in your jumper and you are going for three flags in a row you can go through the motions and still be flushed with success. As one of only three genuine premiership chances it’s hard to rule a line through the Hawks even though we all really want to as you just can’t love these blokes. Hawthorn will win most weeks and win every match when last year’s best and fairest Matt Stevic takes the field. Luke Hodge will win the most courageous player this season as his trademark ‘courageous grimace’ serves him well again after a slight brush against a first year stick insect. Plenty of joy for the haters though when they lose the Granny. 2nd
MELBOURNE: If the Demons can put a decent forward line together in the early rounds they can start to make some improvement. They will Roos the day if they waste yet another season in 17th or 18th position and Harry O could prove to be a more than adequate replacement for Frawley who has gone off to Hawthorn to learn how to kick. The Dees will still struggle to win games but they might actually shock everyone and kick a few goals, giving the tweed coat brigade a reason to stay off the slopes for least a few weeks. 15th
NORTH MELBOURNE: A couple of years ago I thought North could be a new Geelong but it seems I’m not Robinson Crusoe when it comes to overrating the Roos. Sure, they are good, but they aren’t good enough but the recruitment of the ever reliable Jarad Waite and Shaun Higgins could be enough for them to stay at exactly the same level as they were last year. No Soup for Roo! 5th
PORT: Now that they have a Norwood man running the joint and a Catter in the coaches box, the Power looks to be finally on at Alberton after years of ‘the lights are on but there is nobody home’. Westhoff finally looks comfortable in his beard and Ollie Wines has muscles on his muscles despite being only 14 years old. They’ve pinched Paddy Ryder so at least one Paddy will be playing in SA next year and it’s all systems go. 1st
RICHMOND: The Tigers were so satisfied with last year’s massacre at the Oval they decided to recruit…..no one. Ha ha nice move geniearses! If you put every joke about Richmond over the past three decades it would fill the New York phone book…you could call it the yellow and black pages. Like last year they’ll lose when the heat is on, look a million bucks when it’s all over but this year they won’t get back in the eight. 12th
ST KILDA: The Saints have let everyone over the age of 21 leave the club except St Nick but he likes Dubstep so he was allowed to stay. The Saints are starting to amass an array of young talent but this means the odd belting will be on the way. An honest assessment of their list will hurt for a while but in the long run the Saints are on the right track but they might have made a Cox up in some administration appointments. 18th
SYDNEY: Despite a Grand Final effort that would have made Geelong 1995 blush (but not 1994); the Swans remain one of the teams to beat for the premiership. Not many clubs will go up to Sydney and like it but that is to be expected because Sydney people are really rude. They’ll be keen to exact revenge on the Hawks but Port could sneak under their guard. Still Buddy good are the Swans though. 3rd
WEST COAST: Yes, it’s time for the annual hype about the Eagles even though they are going about as well as their stadium which is falling down around the Sandgropers’ ears. While the West Coast does have some talented players several Eagles are winged and the midfield is so poor that Matty Priddis won a Brownlow last year as he was the only one getting the ball. 13th
WESTERN BULLDOGS: The Bulldogs are the first team in history to do a rebuild of a rebuild after last year’s spectacular implosion which saw the coach and several key players depart the Kennel. If they thought last season was ruff then they might be in for disappointment as this is going to be a paw year. Make no bones about it; their bark is worse than their bite. 17th
regards,
REB