BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[Strawb]

a few Yo Momma Joke
yo momma is like a bowling ball every buddy fingers her then throws her in the gutter

Yo momma is so thin when she swallowed a marble she looked pregrant

Yo momma so fat,wen i was on top of her i rolled 5 times to the left and i was still on the b**ch.

[Media Park]

Julia Gillard touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.

Suddenly, a cow jumps out onto the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Julia in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving. '

The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Julia.

Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face. 'My god, what happened to you? 'asks Julia.

The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. '

'What on earth did you say? 'asks Julia.

'I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them:

'I'm Julia Gillard's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.'

[Baron Greenback]

Julia Gillard touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.

Suddenly, a cow jumps out onto the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Julia in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving. '

The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Julia.

Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face. 'My god, what happened to you? 'asks Julia.

The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. '

'What on earth did you say? 'asks Julia.

'I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them:

'I'm Julia Gillard's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.'

Ha!

[Strawb]

I have just been invited to a cup of tea at the Richmond Football Club. I have to supply my own cup but they told me they will supply the spoons.

[Strawb]

What do you call a ranga in a porn film

The cameraman

[Drop Bear]

Last month a world phone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was :

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a HUGE failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant
5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant
6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant
7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant
8. In Australia they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

[Strawb]

Last month a world phone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was :

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a HUGE failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant
5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant
6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant
7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant
8. In Australia they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Gold that one is a classic

[brod]

While sewing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Aussie farmer, whose hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Kevin Rudd and his role as our Prime Minister.
The old farmer said, 'Well, you know, in my opinion, Rudd is a 'Post Turtle''. .
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post turtle' was.
The old farmer said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.
'You know he didn't get up there by himself,
he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there,
and you just wonder what kind of dumb bugger put him up there to begin with.

[Choccies]

Did u hear about little Johnny who was admitted to hospital today with 6 toy horses lodged up his ass ?

Doctors have described his condition as stable.......

[OnSong]

What do you call a ranga in a porn film

The cameraman

AHAHAHAHAH!

[Drop Bear]

I went to see the doctor to have my aching testicles examined.
While the GP was cupping my scrotum he said "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection during this examination".
"Piss off!" I said, "I haven't got an erection".
"I know" said the doc, "but I have".

[OnSong]

I went to see the doctor to have my aching testicles examined.
While the GP was cupping my scrotum he said "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection during this examination".
"Piss off!" I said, "I haven't got an erection".
"I know" said the doc, "but I have".

BRILLIANT!

[Johno6]

I was putting my Australian flag up outside my house ready for the world cup but wasn’t sure if it would offend Muslims.

So I wrote on it – Allah is a f*ckwit - just to make sure.



sorry everyone but i thought it was funny...
apologies in advance

[Drop Bear]

I was putting my Australian flag up outside my house ready for the world cup but wasn’t sure if it would offend Muslims.

So I wrote on it – Allah is a f*ckwit - just to make sure.

A jihad on you Johno6!

[panthergurl]

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.
The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.
This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

[Choccies]

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.
The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.
This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

There's only one button on it though ??

[smac]

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.
The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.
This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

There's only one button on it though ??

Yes, it's an iTit shuffle. Or jiggle.

[White Line Fever]

YO MOMMA IS SO POOR SHE CAN'T EVEN PAY ATTENTION
YO MOMMA IS SO FAT SHE FELL IN LOVE AND BROKE IT

[The Dark Knight]

I was putting my Australian flag up outside my house ready for the world cup but wasn’t sure if it would offend Muslims.

So I wrote on it – Allah is a f*ckwit - just to make sure.

sorry everyone but i thought it was funny...
apologies in advance

Did u hear about little Johnny who was admitted to hospital today with 6 toy horses lodged up his ass ?

Doctors have described his condition as stable.......

I have just been invited to a cup of tea at the Richmond Football Club. I have to supply my own cup but they told me they will supply the spoons.

[Strawb]

All Richmond games will be televised on the Adult channel on Foxtel. After a huge discussion it was decided that watching a bunch of a**holes being hammered frequently for 120 minute is similar to porn.