Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

[MightyEagles]

The medical community has always promoted doctors as being the poster children for their organization. Doctors are paid more, doctors know all the answers, doctors go to school for ever, doctors save lives. Well I think that's a crock of malarkey. Certainly doctors are great; they have a vast array of skills, which allows the prevention of death and disease. But I think that ... nurses are the true heroes of the medical profession. The work long hours in hospitals , they deal with all matter of excrement and abuse, they have to deal with patients on a minute-to-minute basis. And in my experience they do it well.

[MightyEagles]

To receive gratitude with grace is a form of gratitude by itself, and not always an easy art to master.

[MightyEagles]

A woman was thrilled that our infertility clinic team had gotten her pregnant and decided to share some of her maternity photos with us. She handed the doctor a picture of herself eight months pregnant - and completely naked. The doctor gave that one back right away!

[MightyEagles]

Although the brain processes pain signals, the brain itself does not actually feel pain. Therefore, we refer to certain patients not as a pain in the brain, but as a pain in the uh, neck.

[MightyEagles]

Q:- Why can't Taiwanese hospitals do many blood transfusions?

A:- They only have Taipei blood.

[MightyEagles]

Three cannibals were hired as orderlies in a busy hospital. During orientation, the director of human resources said, " You're all part of out team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So please don't trouble any of the other employees." The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later the boss returned and said, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our nurses has disappeared. Do you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the director left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which of you idiots ate the nurse?" A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replied, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating doctors and hospital administrators and no one noticed a thing, then you had to go and eat a nurse!"

[MightyEagles]

Is that an epi-pen min your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

I wish I was your coronary artery, so that I could be wrapped around your heart.

[MightyEagles]

The 2010 median pay for US registered nurses was $64 690 per year, or $31.10 per hour. Licensed practical nurses and licensed vocational nurses earned a median of $40 380 per year, or $19.42 per hour.

[MightyEagles]

Two little boys are lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little scared." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake you , they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." And the second kid says, "Whoa. Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!"

[MightyEagles]

We must be silent before we can listen. We must listen before we can learn. We must learn before we can prepare. We must prepare before we can serve. We must serve before we can lead.

[MightyEagles]

A nurse advised a patient to use yogurt for a yeast infection. She forgot to say the patient was supposed to eat it, not apply it.

[MightyEagles]

Q: Why did the surgical nurse get fired?
A: She was absent without gauze

[MightyEagles]

Loopy License Plates

Make Nurse:- XT-RN
Fertility Nurse:- OVUL8
Respiratory Nurse:- N2B8U

[MightyEagles]

We shall never know all the good that a simple can do.

[MightyEagles]

Overheard During Colonoscopies

- You know, in some states, we're now legally married.

- Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?

[MightyEagles]

- You must be stage-three syphilis, cause I can't get you out of my head.
- My adductor isn't the only thing that's longus.

[MightyEagles]

Pulmonology Department:- Expectorate the Unexpectorated
Gastroentrology Department:- Up yours

[dedja]

Do you have OCD?

[MightyEagles]

No, I hear that Port do though.

[MightyEagles]

When does a job feel meaningful? Whenever it allows us to generate delight or reduce suffering in others. Though we are often taught to think of ourselves as inherently selfish, the longing to act meaningfully in our work seems just as stubborn a part of out make-up as our appetite for status or money. It is because we are meaning-focused animals rather than simply materialistic ones that we can reasonably contemplate surrendering security for a career helping to bring drinking water Malawi or might quit a job in consumer goods for one in cardiac nursing, aware that when it comes to improving the human condition, a well-controlled defibrillator has the edge over even the finest biscuit.