Dear Dr REB....

[Rik E Boy]

This thread is doomed I tells ya, doomed....

Dear Mr Boon,

your pessimistic take on life can be cured by our good friend Alcohol. I prescribe 9000 stubbies of Coopers Ale with the proviso that you throw out all of your 1990's calendars. Those days when your football team won things will never return. Except this inevitability and move on.

Cheersh!

Dr REB

[Gingernuts]

Dear Dr REB,

I visited the hairdresser the other day and was distressed to see in the mirror that the strawberry-blonde locks that have brought so much joy to my life are dissappearing rather rapidly. Can you recommend a course of action to stem the loss and ensure that I remain the living incarnation of everyone's favourite cartoon sleuth?

Regards,

Gingernuts

[OnSong]

Dear Dr REB,

I visited the hairdresser the other day and was distressed to see in the mirror that the strawberry-blonde locks that have brought so much joy to my life are dissappearing rather rapidly. Can you recommend a course of action to stem the loss and ensure that I remain the living incarnation of everyone's favourite cartoon sleuth?

Regards,

Gingernuts

[Gingernuts]

Dear Dr REB,

I visited the hairdresser the other day and was distressed to see in the mirror that the strawberry-blonde locks that have brought so much joy to my life are dissappearing rather rapidly. Can you recommend a course of action to stem the loss and ensure that I remain the living incarnation of everyone's favourite cartoon sleuth?

Regards,

Gingernuts

Nope - that's my younger brother.

I'm not joking either, between us we have the ginger cartoon market cornered.

[JK]

Dear Dr REB,

My name is Des and after a distinguished career as one of SA's most prominent field umpires, I soon found myself unable to step foot outside my house due to fear of Double Blue clad hippies throwing Iced Vo-Vo's at me (thankfully they were only accurate 14 times and missed another 26). For 32 years I have been subject to this treatment, is there a solution?

Regards,
Mr Foster

[gossipgirl]

Dear Dr REB

I have a rash and it wont go away

[OnSong]

Dear Dr REB

I seem to be lacking in talent and 'go' in general.
I'm a clutz in the air and my foot delivery is not much better.
How is it possible I have lasted on an AFL list for six years?

Yours sincerely,

Dean Polo.

[Rik E Boy]

Dear Dr REB,

I visited the hairdresser the other day and was distressed to see in the mirror that the strawberry-blonde locks that have brought so much joy to my life are dissappearing rather rapidly. Can you recommend a course of action to stem the loss and ensure that I remain the living incarnation of everyone's favourite cartoon sleuth?

Regards,

Gingernuts

Dear Mr Tintin,

My advice to you is by a time machine and a Rug and run for the office of Prime Minister in the 2007 Federal election. The Cartoonists will not fail to notice the similarity to your younger self and you can get rid of John Howard while you are it. Either that or stop going to Bianca Castafiore's concerts.

regards,

Dr REB

[Rik E Boy]

Dear Dr REB,

My name is Des and after a distinguished career as one of SA's most prominent field umpires, I soon found myself unable to step foot outside my house due to fear of Double Blue clad hippies throwing Iced Vo-Vo's at me (thankfully they were only accurate 14 times and missed another 26). For 32 years I have been subject to this treatment, is there a solution?

Regards,
Mr Foster

Dear Des,

Move to Norwood, the people are so much nicer there because they are what the Unley folk only pretend to be. Either that, or move to Elizabeth where they've never heard of you because for the locals football didn't exist until the year 2000.

regards,

Dr REB

[Rik E Boy]

Dear Dr REB

I seem to be lacking in talent and 'go' in general.
I'm a clutz in the air and my foot delivery is not much better.
How is it possible I have lasted on an AFL list for six years?

Yours sincerely,

Dean Polo.

Dear Dean,

it is possible because you play for Richmond. At Punt Road anyone who can avoid getting hit by trams or is not a recovering drug addict is quite rightly acclaimed as a superstar. It's time to believe in yourself and step out of the shadows.

regards,

Dr REB

[Rik E Boy]

Dear Dr REB

I have a rash and it wont go away

Dear Goss,

after reading all of your 190 posts I conclude that your rash has been caused by talking 5hit. My prescription for you is to read all of Psyber's posts to enhance your intellect in lieu of a complete dearth of books in your humble abode. Get well my friend.

regards,

Dr REB

[Squawk]

Dear Dr Reb

Norwood is blessed to have all the characteristics of the seven holy virtues, being humility, charity, kindness, patience, chastity,temperance and dilligence.

When you think of the seven deadly sins however, (wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony), if you were to match each sin to one of the other 8 SANFL clubs, which club corresponds to which deadly sin and why?

That will leave one club that is neither virtuous nor sinful in any way - and I'd like to know who that is and why?

Only when the answer to these two questions is known, can true SANFL worshippers know their purpose in life is to follow Norwood, or otherwise pay a small amount of attention to the club you nominate as being without virtue or sin..

Thanks oh wise one.

[Raking Left Foot]

Dear Dr REB

I used to have lots of friends but they are all leaving me

What have I done wrong?

Regards

Mark S

[Rik E Boy]

Dear Dr Reb

Norwood is blessed to have all the characteristics of the seven holy virtues, being humility, charity, kindness, patience, chastity,temperance and dilligence.

When you think of the seven deadly sins however, (wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony), if you were to match each sin to one of the other 8 SANFL clubs, which club corresponds to which deadly sin and why?

That will leave one club that is neither virtuous nor sinful in any way - and I'd like to know who that is and why?

Only when the answer to these two questions is known, can true SANFL worshippers know their purpose in life is to follow Norwood, or otherwise pay a small amount of attention to the club you nominate as being without virtue or sin..

Thanks oh wise one.

Dear Mr McIntosh,

after spending many a night shift with the nursing fraternity, I know when I'm licked. I would suggest that you have answered your own question and that it is a well known fact that all Norwood supporters will go to heaven. Righto, with that conundrum now solved, I'm off to play Golf.

regards,

Dr REB

[Rik E Boy]

Dear Dr REB

I used to have lots of friends but they are all leaving me

What have I done wrong?

Regards

Mark S

Dear Mucus,

you are a Bulldogs supporter. Once you started winning premierships you became an insufferable bastard. While it is acceptable to be a bastard in Australian society it is not acceptable to be an insufferable one. Also, with your Bulldogs creed and perhaps English heritage, it is perhaps time to invest in a bar of soap and put it to good use.

regards,

Dr REB

[GWW]

Dear Dr REB,

My friend Joel and I are about to sign on to play up north for a pot of gold each.

How do we break the news to our fans at the Cattery?


Regards

Gary

[Strawb]

Dear Dr. REB,
I seem to gop out for a night drinking and when i wake up there is no walls all i see is sky. My bed is hard I have no pillow. There seems to be alot of peas, carrots and some kinda soup stuck to my shirt and last but not least myu mouth tastes like an ashtray please help.
Regards
A.Capp

[fish]

Dear Dr. REB,

As you may be aware, MegaBabe sex kitten Lara Bingle has recently ended her engagement to that drop-kick loser Michael Clarke. I am interested in asking Ms. Bingle out for a date but was wondering what is the appropriate time to wait before I move in on her? In particular, when is her engagement officially over so that she is free to have a "relationship" ( ) with me? One day? One week? I just don't know and I am beside myself with anxiety and, ahem, anticipation.

Any help or advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

fish

[Rik E Boy]

Dear Dr REB,

My friend Joel and I are about to sign on to play up north for a pot of gold each.

How do we break the news to our fans at the Cattery?


Regards

Gary

Dear Mr arsehole,

Go up North and you have no fans at the Cattery. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

regards,

Dr REB

[Rik E Boy]

Dear Dr. REB,
I seem to gop out for a night drinking and when i wake up there is no walls all i see is sky. My bed is hard I have no pillow. There seems to be alot of peas, carrots and some kinda soup stuck to my shirt and last but not least myu mouth tastes like an ashtray please help.
Regards
A.Capp

Dear Mr Capp.

What you are experiencing is perfectly normally when you go with the Flo.

regards,

Dr REB