Skipworth Asks To Be Traded

Dear Mr Trigg,
Please can I be traded to a Melbourne based club?
I did a very gutless thing during the SANFL finals against North Adelaide- I picked on the smallest bloke on the ground, after I tackled him, I pinned his arm back up behind his shoulder, & for 5 seconds, I felt REALLY tough.
I don't understand why, but none of my team-mates congratulated me on my corageous act. Not even after the game. How selfish is that? No team spirit! Then, when I got home, my mum said it was disgraceful what I did, so I hit her flush on the jaw & broke it. I was that pleased with myself (the first time I've broken someone's jaw) that I helped her back into her wheelchair (proving that I am a good bloke).
My problem is this though- that uneducated North lot now have it in for me. One of their supporters said he was "gonna get me" on the way into the GF. I had the last laugh though- I jumped inside the laundry basket & snuck in to the ground! How brilliant is that? Also, some of the players have talked about squaring up with me- idiots, don't they know that I'm a tough guy?
My plan is this though- trade me to a Melbourne based club, where I can lose myself in the VFL system, & no-one will ever find me- I can also (under armed escort on my way to Melbourne) drive past the NAFC & blow raspberries at them & yell "nyah nyah nyh nyah nyah nyah" at them (hopefully the bus doesn't break down whlile this happens).
Yours Sincerely,
Hayden "Chopper" Skipworth
PS- I will get an Eagles Premiership tattoo (while under general anaesthetic), but how cool is this- I have a yellow streak on my back, & they are going to use this for the background!
Please can I be traded to a Melbourne based club?
I did a very gutless thing during the SANFL finals against North Adelaide- I picked on the smallest bloke on the ground, after I tackled him, I pinned his arm back up behind his shoulder, & for 5 seconds, I felt REALLY tough.
I don't understand why, but none of my team-mates congratulated me on my corageous act. Not even after the game. How selfish is that? No team spirit! Then, when I got home, my mum said it was disgraceful what I did, so I hit her flush on the jaw & broke it. I was that pleased with myself (the first time I've broken someone's jaw) that I helped her back into her wheelchair (proving that I am a good bloke).
My problem is this though- that uneducated North lot now have it in for me. One of their supporters said he was "gonna get me" on the way into the GF. I had the last laugh though- I jumped inside the laundry basket & snuck in to the ground! How brilliant is that? Also, some of the players have talked about squaring up with me- idiots, don't they know that I'm a tough guy?
My plan is this though- trade me to a Melbourne based club, where I can lose myself in the VFL system, & no-one will ever find me- I can also (under armed escort on my way to Melbourne) drive past the NAFC & blow raspberries at them & yell "nyah nyah nyh nyah nyah nyah" at them (hopefully the bus doesn't break down whlile this happens).
Yours Sincerely,
Hayden "Chopper" Skipworth
PS- I will get an Eagles Premiership tattoo (while under general anaesthetic), but how cool is this- I have a yellow streak on my back, & they are going to use this for the background!