Port Power jokes

[Rik E Boy]

Pinched these from BigFooty. Some of these are fairly old as you'll be able to tell but a few laughs anyway.

regards,

REB

Port Adelaide Maths Exam

1. If Chad Cornes head is 20cm up his a*se, and he wedges it a further 5cm, how much of his neck can you see?
2. If Mark Williams has gained 25kg in the last year, and he has eaten 450 pies in that time, how much weight has put on per pie?
(Bonus point) How many pies are left over for Stuart Dew?
3. If there are 30,000 Power fans at AAMI stadium, and 10,000 cars are stolen, how many are Commodores?
4. If a Power fan drinks 15 cans of Woodstock during a match and Port lose, how many times will he hit his wife?
5. If Daniel Motlop has a set shot 15m out after the siren to win the game, which shop in West Lakes Mall will he hit?
6. If Alberton was to burn to ground completely, killing everyone in the surrounding area, how much would the average IQ of South Australia rise by?
7. If Byron Pickett rolled his car at a speed of 120km/h, and his blood alcohol level was .134, how much did he win on the pokies that night?
8. If Peter Burgoyne has slept with 5 women, and 2 were consensual, how many lawsuits will he face?
9. If 10,000 Port fans walk down a muddy path, how many different ugg boot imprints will be seen?
10. An inanimate carbon rod is lined up against Matthew Bishop. How many goals will the rod kick?
11. If Dean Brogan punches 8 people at the airport, how many policemen will it take to subdue his chin?
12. If Warren Tredrea loses 8000 hairs on his head per year, how many years until he looks like Nigel Smart?
13. If a Port fan has 7 kids to 5 different fathers, work out the combined total she will get from a) child support; b) baby bonus; c) dole cheque; d) Centrelink fraud, and e) car theft.
14. If two season tickets cost $350, how many dodgy Workcover claims will you have to file to get them?
15. How many stolen TV’s will you have to trade in at Cash Converters to buy enough teal paint to hot up your Gemini?
16. If 2000 Port fans travel to Elizabeth for a Centrals game and Port lose by 1 point, how long will the ensuing race riots last for?
17. If the Power have 50,000 fans and only 1500 turn up to Port Magpies games, how many are pathetic bandwagoners?
18. If Kane Cornes fell to the ground like a girl 0.3 seconds after Barry Hall threatened to punch him, how many times did he sh*t himself in those 0.3 seconds?
19. Sharon, a lifelong Port supporter, sits with the Power cheersquad behind the goals. If she has taken out an Apprehended Violence Order against Darryl, her second husband, how far down the wing will he have to sit so as to not breach the restraining order?

Q&A

Q: What is the difference between Port Power and an arsonist?
A: An arsonist wouldn’t waste that many matches.
Q: How many Port Power fans does it take to pave up a
driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q: What’s the difference between Warren Treadrea and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Warren Treadrea.
Q: What’s the difference between a Port Power fan and a
vibrator?
A: A Port Power fan is a real dick
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Alberton?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are in the
Crows rooms.
Q: How is a pint of milk different than a Port Power
supporter?
A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture.
Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a stobie pole on Port Road
in Alberton?
A: A leisure centre.
Q: Why did the Port Power fan climb the glass window?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: How do you kill a Port Power fan when he’s been drinking?
A: Slam the toilet seat on his head.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Port Power fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon.
Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they aren’t mistaken for Port Power women.
Q: What’s the difference between a Port Power supporter and an
Onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a Port Power fan.
Q: What do you call an Port Power fan in a suit?
A: The accused.
Q: What do you say to a Port Power fan with a job?
A: Can I have a Big Mac, please.
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Warren
Treadrea?
A: Clinton can score.
Q: How do you make a Port Power fan run?
A: Build a job centre.
Q: How do you know when you’re staying in a Port Adelaide
hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say, “I gotta leak in my
sink,” and the clerk replies, “Go ahead.”
Q: Where was the toothbrush invented?
A: Port Adelaide. If it had been invented anywhere else, it
would have been called a teeth brush.
Q: Whats the difference between a cactus and the Port Adelaide
clubroom?
A: A cactus has pricks on the outside.
Q: Why do Port Adelaide fans stink?
A: So blind people can hate them, too.
Q: What’s got 100 legs and 4 teeth?
A: The front row of the Port Adelaide cheer squad.
Q: If you see a Port Adelaide fan on a bicycle, why should you
never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bike.
q: What do you call a Port Adelaide fan in a Mercedes?
A: A thief.
Q: What is your wife trying to tell you if she’s wearing a
Port Adelaide shirt to bed?
A: You ain’t going to score.

Coming to Port

“Power” coach Mark Williams gets wind of a potential new young
recruit who lives in Iraq. Williams and the “Power” recruiting
manager jump on a plane to war-torn Baghdad and track the
young boy down.
They risk life and limb dodging bombs, bullets and grenades
but finally find him and convince him to come to Australia.
The boy does a full pre-season, plays all the practice matches
and gets picked on the bench in the seniors for the first game
of the year.
Ten minutes into the first quarter, Chad Cornes goes down with
a severe knee injury. Mark Williams turns to the boy and says,
“This is it son, go to centre half-forward and show us what
you can do.”
The boy proceeds to play the greatest debut game in AFL
history. He kicks nine goals, takes mark of the year and kicks
the winning goal after the siren from outside 50.
The “Power” players chair him off the ground and give him
three cheers back in the rooms. Mark Williams tells the team
what the boy from Iraq has been through and that he is a model
lesson for all.
“Choko, as Williams is affectionately known by the scum
supporters, then pulls the boy aside and says,
“Son, go into my office, ring your mother and tell her what
you did today.”
“So he heads off to the office and dials. “Mum,” he says,
“Guess what I did today?”
“I don’t care what you did today,” his mother replies. “I tell
you what happened here today. Your Dad was stabbed and robbed,
our house torched, our car blown up, your sister raped and
your brother abducted.”
“Gee,” says the boy, “I feel a bit responsible for what
happened.” The Mother replies, “So you should be. If it wasn’t
for you we would never have shifted to Port Adelaide.“

You know the Royal Adelaide Show is on when …

Port Power Showbag contents $8.00 (CONCESSIONS $1.00)
Port Power lipstick - to kiss goodbye to your season
One pack of Winfield red 20s (soft pack)
Pregnancy Testing kit
One thong
Driving lesson with Byron Pickett
Centrelink claim form
Free ride in a police car
Free dental treatment
One get out of jail free card
Keys to your neighbour’s house and car
Half a house brick - for late-night shopping
Deptartment of Health brochure: A shower and how to use it

Three Women With Footy-Fan Husbands

Three women with footy-fan husbands are discussing their
relationships.
The first says, “My husband follows the Lions and let me tell
you our sex life is like one premiership after another.”
The second says, “My husband is a Crows man and every night is
like the back-to-back victories of 1997 and ‘98.”
They then look at their friend, who hasn’t yet said a thing.
“Whats wrong,“ they say as their friend starts sobbing.
“Well,” she says hesitantly, “my husband supports the ‘Power’,
and all he does is sit on the end of the bed and tell me how
wonderful its going to be.”

The Brothers Jaidyn

A Port Adelaide supporter went down to Centrelink to claim
welfare after realising she was the only one of her friends -
who were all “Power” supporter - who was not on benefits.
“How many children do you have?” the man at Centrelink asked.
“Ten,” she replied.
“What are their names?”
“Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn,
Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn,” she replied.
“They’re all named Jaidyn?” he asked “What if you want them to
come in from playing outside?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just call ‘Jaidyn,’ and they
all come running in.”
“And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?”
“I just say, ‘Jaidyn, come eat your dinner’,” she answered.
“But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?” he
asked.
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just use their last name.”

Power Fans Are Not Stupid

50,000 Power fans meet at Alberton Oval for a “POWER FANS ARE
NOT STUPID” convention.
Mark Williams says, “We are all here today to prove to the
world that Power supporters are not stupid. Can I have a
volunteer?”
Byron Pickett gingerly works his way through the crowd and
steps up to the stage.
Mark asks him, “What is 15 plus 15?”
After 15 or 20 seconds, Byron says, “Eighteen!”
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then all 50,000
Power fans start chanting, “GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM
ANOTHER CHANCE!”
Chocko says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting
50,000 of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and
global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another
chance”.
So he asks, “What is seven plus seven?” After nearly 30
seconds, Byron eventually says, “Ninety!”
The coach is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a
dejected sigh.
Everyone is disheartened. Byron starts crying, and the 50,000
Power fans begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “GIVE
HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!”
Mark unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good,
eventually says, “OK! Just one more chance … What’s two plus
two?”
Byron closes his eyes, and after a full minute expires and
lets out a gasp: “Four!”
Throughout Alberton pandemonium breaks out.
All 50,000 Power fans jump to their feet, wave their arms,
stamp their feet and scream “GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM
ANOTHER CHANCE!”

regards,

REB

[Mr66]

LOL REB.
Just emailed my brother and a workmate, both Cats fans.

[SCD]

If there is a bad Port Power joke - I haven't heard it...

[bayman]

they are at the mcg at the moment (jokes i mean)

[devilsadvocate]

Spot on Bayman.

Biggest port joke is the 2007 GF performance.

[Mr66]

Do you suppose Williams showed the Port players the photos of the 1976 & 1984 GF's
by mistake?

[mal]

ALAN SCOTT YOOOOOOOOOOU WUZ RIGHT

[mal]

A Port Power barracker was caught hopping the fence at the MCG
A policeman caught him and said
" NOW GET BACK OVER AND WATCH THE SECOND HALF AS WELL."

[locky801]

A Port Power barracker was caught hopping the fence at the MCG
A policeman caught him and said
" NOW GET BACK OVER AND WATCH THE SECOND HALF AS WELL."

Don't take long, credit for the first classic Mal

[mal]

What has Port Power and the Adelaide Crows have in common in 2007 ?
No Hart

[Wedgie]

Geelong 24.19 163
Port Adelaide 6.8 44

[devilsadvocate]

A Port Power barracker was caught hopping the fence at the MCG
A policeman caught him and said
" NOW GET BACK OVER AND WATCH THE SECOND HALF AS WELL."

If you don't laugh a that one, you'd cry.

Cheers mal for making me

[carey18]

Todays Outfit

[Strawb]

I want a choco shake guaranteed to make you Choke in September

[am Bays]

No how many times you read them I always find a new way to appreciate them....

[redden whites]

A Port Power barracker was caught hopping the fence at the MCG
A policeman caught him and said
" NOW GET BACK OVER AND WATCH THE SECOND HALF AS WELL."

would have Port barracker been you mal?You were so far up their asses this week I assumed you would be gutted

[Hondo]

RW - are you disappointed us Crows supporters aren't devo tonight?

[redden whites]

RW - are you disappointed us Crows supporters aren't devo tonight?

Yes indeed .......Ya were shittin all week .shame really

[mal]

A Port Power barracker was caught hopping the fence at the MCG
A policeman caught him and said
" NOW GET BACK OVER AND WATCH THE SECOND HALF AS WELL."

would have Port barracker been you mal?You were so far up their asses this week I assumed you would be gutted

Disappointed yes
But Im glad Geelong after 44 years won a flag as well
This is the first Geelong premiership on video thats not in black and white

[Mr66]

A Port Power barracker was caught hopping the fence at the MCG
A policeman caught him and said
" NOW GET BACK OVER AND WATCH THE SECOND HALF AS WELL."

would have Port barracker been you mal?You were so far up their asses this week I assumed you would be gutted

Disappointed yes
But Im glad Geelong after 44 years won a flag as well
This is the first Geelong premiership on video thats not in black and white :wink:

And the FULL game as well.