Porplyzia's arms can't shoulder weight burden
PERENNIALLY injured Crows forward, Jason Porplyzia, has been told to lay off the bench press for a while after it was discovered his arms had become too big for his body.
Porplyzia missed a majority of the 2011 season after yet another shoulder injury.
While he destroyed his teammates in several strength tests this week, club doctors revealed it was the sheer weight of his arms causing his shoulders to dislocate.
"Jason has fallen into what we call 'Gorilla syndrome'," strength and conditioning coach Nick Poulos said.
"He has done nothing but bench presses and pushups for the past 12 months and it shows.
"But his arms now outweigh his total body mass."
Porplyzia was recently warned by police after he was seen hurling barrels at a local Italian plumber.
"He completely drifted into 'DK mode'," Puolos said.
The club initially supported Porplyzia's work-out routine after he showed signs of being extremely fan-friendly.
"He would attend all the clinics at primary schools and pick up the kids to pose for photos," Poulos said.
"We then realised he was just doing this to work his guns when he started doing bicep curls with two 10-year-old Auskickers."
As a result, Porplyzia has been banned from the weights room for six weeks and is only allowed to lift items under 50 kilograms.
Light-framed midfielder, Brodie Smith, has since gone into hiding.
Right in front of me. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!
