BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[mal]

as an aeroplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,"if i'm going to die, i want to die feeling like a woman."

she removes all her clothing and asks,"is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

a man stands up, removes his shirt and says "HERE IRON THIS"

Sensational 8-2 rating

[magpie in the 80's]

3 ladies were on a plane when suddenly the captain announced "PLEASE PREPARE FOR A CRASH LANDING" the 1st lady put on all her jewelery. the 2 other ladies were surprised at this and had to ask her why. she replied when they come to rescue us they will see im rich and rescue me 1st. the 2nd lady not to be out done took off her top and bra. the 2 other ladies asked why she did this. well when they come to rescue us and they see my great tits they will rescue me 1st. well the 3rd lady who was african started taking off her dress and panties. why are you doing this the 2 other ladies ask? well she said they always search for the BLACK BOX FIRST.

[mal]

M80'S your on a roll 8-1 brilliant...black box.

My turn for the WYC boys.

BOONEY walked into the Hilton Pub one day, as he walked in
he saw a drunk grab the barmaid , throw her on the ground,
ripped her knickers off and put his tongue between her thighs.
BOONEY was shocked and approached the drunk:
" Hey mister leave the barmaid alone."
" Piss off buddy before I f.....g flatten ya."
BOONEY ran to the front barman and said.
" Hey barman that pig has the barmaid on the floor with his
tongue between her legs, quick do something."
" Sorry BOONEY I cant do a thing mate, the guys gotta Liqour liscense."


RATINGS please.

[magpie in the 80's]

nice one MAL.

here's one for you (hope your married)

mals wife came up behind him while he was enjoying his morning cup of coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
I found this piece of paper in your pants pocket with MARYLOU on it . "you better have a good explanation she said furiously."
"calm down honey" said mal. "remember last week when i was down at manglepark, that was the name of the dog i bet on."
the next morning mals wife snuck up on him again and slapped him across the head again. "what was that for " asked mal.
"YOUR DOG CALLED LAST NIGHT"

[mal]

M80'S yeah ok pass that one 7-3.

What do Catholic Priests enjoy for breakfast?
Boysenberries.

[magpie in the 80's]

one day after striking gold in them ya hills an old miner waltzed into the saloon and said " i want the meanest roughest and toughest whore you got to the barman". "we got her" replied the barman. " she's upstairs 2nd door on your right. the miner gave the barman a gold nugget to pay for the whore and 2 beers. he then grabbed the 2 beers and marched up the stairs, crashed through the door and asked "are you the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in town. "yes thats me" she said. so she stripped naked , bent over and grabbed her ankles. "how did you know i wanted to do it in that position" asked the miner. i don't said the whore i just thought you might want to open those beers before we get started

[mal]

M80'S what did the human race ever do to deserve you?
That whore joke was absolutely

RATING 9-0 a genuine ridgy didge classic

[magpie in the 80's]

husband and wife decide they want to take up golf.
they meet the golf pro at the driving range.
the husband goes first and knocks it 100 yards.
"not bad"said the golf pro "but this time hold the club as you would hold your wife's tits."
the husband follows the instructions and sails the ball 300 yards down the fairway.
"fantastic" said the golf pro. "now its your wife's turn"
she grabs the club and hits the ball 30 yards.
golf pro says "not bad" "now try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick"
she swings and the ball goes only 5 yards.
golf pro says "not bad but now try taking the club out of your MOUTH and hit the ball

[mal]

Laughter is the best medicine, I will never need anti depressants, I
will just re-read M80s jokes !

Golf joke another rip snorter 8-4 brilliant.

[magpie in the 80's]

one day an old farmer fell asleep in the loft of his hay shed. when he woke up, he found his son having sex with his girlfriend down below. he decided not to disturb them, so he went back to sleep. after a while he heard his son say, "father, father up above, give me the strength for one more shove. So the father, being smart,replied "son,son down below get off her and give me a go.

[mal]

M80's farmer joke cute 7-3
keep up the great work mate.

[magpie in the 80's]

a man sitting on a train opposite this gorgeous looking blonde in a mini skirt.
despite his efforts he cant stop looking at here thighs. to his delight he notices she's not wearing any panties.
"your looking at my pussy arnt you" she says.
"yes i was i'm sorry" said the man
"thats o.k its actually very talented i'll make it blow you a kiss"
sure enough her pussy blows him a kiss
"i can also make it wink" and to his amazment the pussy winks at him.
"come and sit next to me" she says patting the seat.
the man moves over and is asked. "would you like to stick a couple of fingers in".
"STRUETH" says the man "CAN IT WHISTLE TOO!!!!!!"

[mal]

M80S your a funny man.
8-0 for the fanny I mean funny joke.

[magpie in the 80's]

3 hillbillys were sitting on the porch. the 1st hillbilly said "my wife is so dumb, yesterday she brung home a washer and dryer and we got no electricity". the 2nd hillbilly said "my wife's dumber than that, yesterday my wife brung home a dishwasher and we got no runnin water". the 3rd hillbilly said, "my wife is not only dumber but as thick as well, yesterday i was in the kitchen and saw her purse was open and noticed that she had condoms in it and she ain't gotta DICK

[blink]

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an
example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development.
At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little
girls remain behind for 5 minutes.
Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from
your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very
likely that tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems - that if he says anything that
appears rude, I would like you all to get up and leave the classroom."


Everybody agreed to this plan.


Next day -


Teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead
Anita."
Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk."
Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes - Suzie!"
Suzie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy
Is A carpenter and this permits him to work near home."

Teacher: "Excellent, thank-you Suzie!"

At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the Teacher
asks:
"Oh heavens, Johnny tell me what new development is being built near
your home."

Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel."

All the young ladies get up and proceed to leave.

Little Johnny: "Hey relax sluts .......... it hasn't opened yet!"

[Booney]

[RustyCage]

[mal]

M80 HILBILLYS 7-4
BLINK [JOHNNY] 8-1 nice one
PAFC [MONOPOLY] yeah what ican i say

[RustyCage]

M80 HILBILLYS 7-4
BLINK [JOHNNY] 8-1 nice one
PAFC [MONOPOLY] yeah what ican i say

I just put it there to see if I could post pics from the site I have all my stuff at.

[RustyCage]

A man is dating three women and wants to pick one to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest tits.