This might sound like a joke question, but in many respects it isn't...
Given that it seems that the players call the shots and that the board never back their man anyway why not just take this simple 3-step approach:
1. Ask the playing squad who intends on staying at the club in 2009 and into 2010. Get those who say yes to sign on for 2 years now.
2. Tell the rest to f*ck off now then.
3. Selection & gameplan is dead easy. There would only be about 18 blokes left, so team selection is not required. Game plan is simple. Kick it to Warren and let Gerrard marshall the defence to minimise the damage at the other end.