Collingwood Jokes

[Mr66]

Q: What do you call a female Pies fan wearing trakky-daks?
A: The Bride.

Apparently a Collingwood fan invented the toothbrush
If someone else had invented it, it would have been called a teethbrush.

[sapaul]

[Media Park]

What has 100 legs and four teeth?

The front row of the Collingwood cheer squad.

[White Line Fever]

What's the most confusing day in Collingwood?

Fathers Day

[Q.]

Leigh Brown

[tigerland09]

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Collingwood and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Collingwood fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Collingwood fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn’t you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Collingwood fan,” she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Collingwood fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a Richmond fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears.
"Mary, why are you a Richmond fan?" My mum and dad were born and raised in Richmond, so my mum is a Richmond fan and my dad is a Richmond fan, and so I'm a Richmond fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Richmond fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute, your dad was a drug addict and your brother was a car thief, what would you be then?"

"Then," Mary said, "I'd be a Collingwood fan."


Q. What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player?
A. Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.

[A Mum]

I don't normally partake in these kind of 'joke' 'put down' threads.... but my son just came home with what he called a Collingwood joke..... so I'll share it...lol



What do you call a bunch of Collingwood supporters burried up to their necks in sand?





Not enough sand.

[tigerland09]

Three women with footy-fan husbands are discussing their relationships.
The first says, "My husband follows the Lions and let me tell you our sex life is like one premiership after another."
The second says, "My husband is a Crows man and every night is like the back-to-back victories of 1997 and '98."
They then look at their friend, who hasn't yet said a thing.
"What's wrong," they say as their friend starts sobbing. "Well," she says hesitantly, "my husband supports Collingwood, and all he does is sit on the end of the bed and tell me how wonderful it's going to be."



What is the difference between Collingwood Football Team and Monica Lewinsky?Answer: Monica does not choke on the big ones.


Did you hear that the Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps?
They had pictures of Collingwood players on them. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

[Mr66]

I don't normally partake in these kind of 'joke' 'put down' threads....

Oh come on....you're laughing just as much as the rest of us...

[Mr Beefy]

[Mark Dreher]

Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins
A. Society.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.

Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!

Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?
A. Because a Lexus has four seats.

Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:

1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.

[Bum Crack]

Evil Kenival is putting on a show at Etihad Stadium Saturday night after the GF. He is going to attempt to break the world record jump over 10000 Collingwood supporters (in a D-9 Bulldozer).

[Leaping Lindner]

How can you spot a Collingwood supporter? He's the one who takes the train to the game and drives a car home.

[the big bang]

Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins
A. Society.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.

Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!

Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?
A. Because a Lexus has four seats.

Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:

1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.

number 15 is awesome!

[auto]

Why wasnt jesus born at a collingwood game?
They couldnt find three wise men

Why do collingwood supporters wear hats?
So they know which end to wipe

Why do birds fly upside down over a collingwood game?
Coz the place isnt worth sh*tting on

[mal]

Didak and Gardiner in a car this week, who was driving ?
The police

[the big bang]

Didak and Gardiner in a car this week, who was driving ?
The police

where was Heafy, Milne and Montagna?

[Punk Rooster]

Didak and Gardiner in a car this week, who was driving ?
The police

where was Heafy, Milne and Montagna?

in the divvy van

laugh of the week- Glenelg supporters make jokes about Collingwood & finals!

[Barto]

Surprised this hasn't been posted yet:

Next week Mick Malthouse is selecting players who can read and write rather than the ones who can only draw.

[nuggety goodness]

Surprised this hasn't been posted yet:

Next week Mick Malthouse is selecting players who can read and write rather than the ones who can only draw.

so they'll only have a best 7 instead of 22?!?