Suicide.

[Mr66]

Can anyone share their experiences with this, in regards to family,friends workmates etc..
Just went through this in the past ten days and still finding it a bit difficult to deal with.

[mick]

One of my 17 year old daughter's friends committed suicide last year, the worst thing is no real reason for it was put forward and for me my daughter's reluctance to talk about it, and her refusal to take up the offer of counselling by her school. They say suicide is the ultimate selfish act because of the effect on those left behind.

[Punk Rooster]

They say suicide is the ultimate selfish act because of the effect on those left behind.

It is not an act you can describe as being "selfish"- when depression sets in to the point of no return, you feel alone anyway, so who are you being selfish too?

[mick]

They say suicide is the ultimate selfish act because of the effect on those left behind.

It is not an act you can describe as being "selfish"- when depression sets in to the point of no return, you feel alone anyway, so who are you being selfish too?

Yeah that's true I guess it's not selfishness in the real or accepted sense, it's "selfish" because often the people left behind feel guilt or perhaps they could have prevented the person from taking such drastic action

[Squawk]

I've known two people who have done this, and a third person who's father did this. One was as a result of a marriage breakup at aged about 24. The second was someone studying medicine. The third was deeply depressed. For the sociologists, Durkheim espoused that it was the ultimate act of altruism.

It is hard when there are no answers, no explanations, no rationale, and even worse when no one sees it coming. It leaves those left behind with emptiness that is only filled with questions.

Euthanasia is different. Having watched a few family members die in pain I wished they could have avoided that.

The best advice I can offer is to undertake some counselling - either formally or with others close to you who ideally did not know the deceased. Talking about it can be hard for some but it's far better than trying to rationalise it in your own mind because often you cant achieve any rationalisation. One service is Bereavement Education Services on Marion Rd at Plympton but Mr66 I have a feeling you may live in Melbourne so perhaps you could try calling Beyond Blue in the first instance for a referral or otherwise make an appointment with your GP.

Also, I would suggest that you reflect on all the good times and focus on honouring those memories. Look at photos, keepsakes etc and focus on remembering that person's contribution to your life and those of others rather than what may have brought about an end to everything.

Good luck and I hope things improve for you with the natural passage of time.

[Mr66]

Thanks Squawk.

[heater31]

yep went through this when I was 18. felt like an absolute prick because I used to ring my mate regularly when out on the piss to find out what he was up to. Didn't do it that week and What would have happened If I did. We all new he had a problem but me and possibly everyone else didn't realise it was that bad. best thing was that is brother was able to talk about freely obviously with the help of counseling and that helped me to move on pretty quickly.


Like everyone else has suggested it is probably best to seek professional help

[Hondo]

I went through it with a mentor figure in 1995 - still ranks as one of the hardest times of my life. I just couldn't piece it all together and felt f***** awful for quite a while. It's the why's that eat you up. Why didn't he talk to someone, why didn't he get help, why did he do it, why, why, why. Only they know unfortunately.

Us guys don't tend to talk much which is a bad thing IMO so I agree with the other posters. Good luck getting through it, it is not an easy time.

[Hondo]

I went through it with a mentor figure in 1995 - still ranks as one of the hardest times of my life. I just couldn't piece it all together and felt f***** awful for quite a while. It's the why's that eat you up. Why didn't he talk to someone, why didn't he get help, why did he do it, why, why, why. Only they know unfortunately.

Us guys don't tend to talk much which is a bad thing IMO so I agree with the other posters. Good luck getting through it, it is not an easy time.

[Psyber]

8% of the human race carry a gene on the short arm of chromosome number 6 that results in an abnormality of receptors for a brain transmitter substance called nor-adrenaline, or nor-epinephrine if you are a Yank. [Gene identified by Lowell Weitkamp, Paediatric Geneticist, Rochester Medical Centre, New York, published 1986 or thereabouts, working on the Human Genome project.]

This accounts for half the depression in the community and generally requires antidepressants. Their are problems when people, their families, or even their doctors have trouble distinguishing this from the other type of depression that is not genetic. Another small percentage have an atypical bipolar disorder that can be hard to distinguish from the depressive illness referred to above or the equally common reactive depressions, but antidepressants tend to make the uncommon bipolar disorder worse.

Everyone who experiences depression in any form should consult a doctor - maybe more than one if the first seems uninterested.

[Il Duce]

well i have gone though it my self with 4 people all important to me in one way on another and it's something i rarely talk about it, cause they all still hurt me and i think about em everyday. all i can say is if you think someone is try to get them to seek professional help. if they refuse that then try to get them to talk to you or friends or family and try and help them. if they still decide to leave us, after you have time to morn, try and make peace with yourself as soon as you can otherwise it will eat you alive, and just remember if your ever on the same path that there is help out there either be professional or people that care that will help.

[johntheclaret]

My brother committed suicide when he was only 35. Even for the family there was no sign, no idea, nothing to warn us or suggest he was contemplating doing what he did. He went through a bad time, losing a highly paid job, company house and the stress caused his marriage to breakdown. He got another job but couldn't put his marriage back together. I still don't know all the details, except that his ex wife stopped his kids from seeing him and did everything she could to cut off any contact he had with them. He moved south to Northampton and it looked like he was starting to put his life back together, but the 'loss' of his kids must have been too much to take.

I can remember the day I found out, like it was yesterday although now it's 15 years ago. The previous night he had driven to his works, parked the car in a garage and put a pipe into the exhaust. He was found the next morning.

Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming his ex wife for what happened, but she did play a big part in the relationship I had with him. He was 2 years older than me and we were very close when we were younger though out teens and used to go around together more as mates than brothers. His wife and me never really saw eye to eye, maybe she saw our closeness as a threat or something or maybe she was just insecure about it, I don't really know, but not too long after he got married, we began to see less and less of each other until at one point we never spoke for four years. It makes me ashamed to say that.

I still have feelings of guilt and joy at the same time. Guilt that I went 4 years without making any effort to contact him, and joy, if that is the right word, that we did get together. I was his closest friend for a long time and should have been there for him and I wasn't. We finally saw each other at a family party and he made a point of coming over and talking to me. We both agreed that it was stupid behaving like that and it was only afterwards I realised that he was making his peace with me and must have already decided what he was going to do before he came up for the party.

He wrote me a letter, which my mum still has. I have never had the balls to read it. Maybe I am scared of what it might say. The effect an event like this has on a family never goes away. and a few years ago when I separated with my wife, the panic that mum felt was the fear that I might do the same. Luckily, and I say this selfishly, I had a great relationship with my kids and both of them live we me.

For me, I have tried hard to make sure that my two sons have a close relationship and look out for each other, and whilst there is 5 years between them they have gotten on pretty well. If there is any advice that I could pass on to anyone it would be, don't let pride come between you and your family.

JTC

[Dogwatcher]

Mr66 - try this thread for a few more thoughts on the issue....

http://safootycentral.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=6401


And let me extend my genuine sympathies on your loss.

I'm still feeling a lot of pain about what my friend did, but it does get easier.
I know it's an old cliche - but it's true.
Talk to your friends, don't bury yourself in the pain and most of all don't blame yourself.

[Magpiespower]

After several attempts, my brother finally killed himself at the age of 25.

Fair to say he was troubled - alcoholic, umpteen run-ins with the police, in and out of Hillcrest (placed in the criminally insane section because they were scared he would harm himself. Not a nice place by all accounts.)

Also one of the many young males in the late-1970s/early-80s to be abducted, drugged and have unspeakable things done to them over a weekend by a group of men. An all too common story.

My brother actually told his roomie what he going to commit suicide. But the roomie didn't think he'd go through with it and went out. His was a bit of a mess after that.

Paramedics resuscitated him but he was going to be a vegetable. So when he slipped again, they let him go.

It was never a question of if my brother would kill himself.

But when.

[MightyEagles]

In high school, one of my teachers had just got married, a few days later her brother hang himself.

[Aerie]

My mum's cousin threw herself off a cliff about 6 months ago - survived and is a quadriplegic. A few years earlier her son killed himself by throwing himself in front of a train. Both suffered mentally with depression.

[JK]

2 guys I played footy with and a family member all took their own lives, the latter leaving behind two beautiful young children under the age of 7, it's not something that can ever be properly understood I don't think, unless you've suffered from the same affliction.

I would suggest counselling mate ... I wasn't close enough to the people I knew to be too badly affected by it, but I know others who really struggled with it and they have since had their lives back on track for a while now, but it took them a bit of time to cope with it.

All the best mate, I would imagine it's quite a distressing place to be at, at the moment.

[Rik E Boy]

All the best 66.

regards,

REB

[ORDoubleBlues]

Think I know of one of the guys Constance is referring to and his brother drank himself to death only about 7 years later at the age of 32 so to me that's a tragic situation as his brother's death would appear to be something he couldn't deal with.

Have an Uncle and Auntie in their 60's and the Auntie has tried a few times in the last 35 years and unfortunately she almost did about 15 years ago but now she lives like someone who had a serious stroke and in some ways given the burden that she created, she may have been better off if she had succeeded. In her case, she had a brother that did commit suicide and another two brothers that have tried to.

Is a very unforgiving world we live in and I don't think some people realise/care about comments that they make to people are taken to heart and is very difficult for those people to treat it as "water off a ducks back".

[Punk Rooster]

do you think going into gory details is the right way to help Mr66? I almost feel depressed myself going through all these crisis!
I know you all mean well, but perhaps starting with "I've been in a similar situation, here's how I coped..." sans details?