funny
Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 7:09 amMichael Burke on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come
in his shorts."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to
use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World
Super bike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet
he wished he had a hard on now."
Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on
this
morning:
"She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."
'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what
he sees."
Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."
Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire
match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands
he just tossed it off."
Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's
nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What
does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today
after a 69."
The new stand at Doncaster racecourse took Brough Scott's breathaway...
"My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."
Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big
racewhen he said:
"They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from
different positions."
Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live
said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed
and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,
"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
balls and kisses them ... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?"
Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven
Dicks on the field."
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't
that nice.
The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford
crew."
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I
once rode her mother."
New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him."
Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria, I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
I want to add a couple of my favourites to this list..Andrew.
1. Graham Cornes commenting on the abilities of Adelaide Crows AFL champ
Andrew McLeod.. "He is the best player in the league with balls below
the waist."
But my all time favourite is..
2. Brian Johnston commentating on an England versus West Indies test
match. Fast bowling great Michael Holding was bowling to English
batsman Peter Willey.."the bowler's Holding the batsman's Willey."
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come
in his shorts."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to
use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World
Super bike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet
he wished he had a hard on now."
Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on
this
morning:
"She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."
'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what
he sees."
Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."
Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire
match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands
he just tossed it off."
Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's
nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What
does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today
after a 69."
The new stand at Doncaster racecourse took Brough Scott's breathaway...
"My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."
Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big
racewhen he said:
"They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from
different positions."
Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live
said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed
and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,
"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
balls and kisses them ... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?"
Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven
Dicks on the field."
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't
that nice.
The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford
crew."
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I
once rode her mother."
New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him."
Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria, I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
I want to add a couple of my favourites to this list..Andrew.
1. Graham Cornes commenting on the abilities of Adelaide Crows AFL champ
Andrew McLeod.. "He is the best player in the league with balls below
the waist."
But my all time favourite is..
2. Brian Johnston commentating on an England versus West Indies test
match. Fast bowling great Michael Holding was bowling to English
batsman Peter Willey.."the bowler's Holding the batsman's Willey."