smac wrote:Wedgie wrote:smac wrote:fisho mcspaz wrote:The ex ringing me up about the access phone call to our son he missed last week - went off his trolley, threatening to f*** me up etc. because I wouldn't let him make up the call (his own fault he missed it). This bloke doesn't have a problem threatening me when I'm on my own but he won't say two words if my partner's with me. Bloody spineless gutless thing like a tapir's nose he is.
I know each situation has its own nuances, but all I see here is someone denying a father some time on the phone with his son. That's something that gives me the sh!ts.
If he doesn't ring when he's supposed to and gets off on threatening women I'd tell him to get f***ed, good on you fisho.
Perhaps he threatened her because she doesn't allow them to chat on the phone - in that case, good on him. As I stated in my initial post, each situation is different.
OK, here's how it stands. This idiot is lucky to get any access at all after what he pulled. When I split from him, he 'unlawfully retained' - I believe that's the legal term - our son, who was 21 months old at the time, in the US and I had to go through a three-week court trial to get him back home to Australia. (The father was American and our son has dual citizenship. I had to prove that his home was in Australia with me.) My son had never been away from me longer than a night before but when this happened, his father obtained a restraining order against me through a dodgy back-door deal with the county court judge, so I was not allowed to have my son with me while the trial was going on. For the trial, the US government gave me pro bono legal aid - the US has an agreement with Australia under the Hague Convention for international child abduction, so their government was actually on
my side - so I had two terrific lawyers acting for me. During the trial I had to defend myself from allegations that I was an unfit mother, a drunkard, a bipolar sufferer with the potential to murder all of my ex-husband's family in their beds, and a Communist. (This is true. The whole thing was a bloody circus. I felt like I was on the set of a midday movie, it was so bizarre.) Anyway, I won (because contrary to what all the witnesses were saying on the stand, I am a bloody good mother and my son's rightful home was with ME) and got full custody. My son's father was allowed certain access rights including several phone calls and a webcam visit per week. My son had terrible separation anxiety for months afterwards and would scream if I left the room he was in.
The phone call in dispute was actually the webcam visit. The previous week, dickwad hadn't been able to do webcam at the usual time because of work. He ordered me (asking isn't in his repertoire generally) to come up with a different time or day when he could do it. I offered him every time I had available - pretty much every day, every time except for when my son was at school - but he wanted me to do it in the morning just before school started. When I said I
could do it at that time, but only for five minutes instead of the usual 20 (I wasn't about to bring my son to school late), he started abusing me. This week he wanted two webcam visits instead of one, to make up for the previous week. I said no, due to his abuse the previous week, because I'd had enough. I'm a human being and I've got the right to be treated like one; I'm sick of being shouted at and called names when I'm trying to do my best to arrange his bloody access calls to his satisfaction, and it's been going on for nearly four years now. Anyway, he didn't like me saying no, and cracked the s***s at me. I don't know yet if it's worth applying for a restraining order, but I'd say I've got a good reason for it now.
As much as I despise the guy and although I feel he doesn't have my son's best interests at heart - he refuses to pay child support and he's threatened several times to involve our son in our legal disputes unless I give him what he wants - I do my best to give him access within the legal agreement drawn up between us, because my son has the right to know his father and draw his own conclusions. But I won't be pushed around by someone who treats me like I am less than human, particularly after I'd done my best to accommodate him. I think I did the right thing.
Anyway, sorry for the thesis. I just felt like I had to defend myself because it's something I feel pretty strongly about. I'll shut up now.
