Things that give you the sh1ts

[Jimmy_041]

That my missus has almost surgical precision in piecing irrigation pipes in the garden, usually with a fork, which means that I have to perform an archaeological dig to isolate the damage and repair.

Inevitably it is always my fault for putting the pipe where she needs to dig.

If I knew that she had this ability when we built the house, I would have spent the extra time to bury the pipes out of her reach, but that said, a normal person would possibly check whether they are about to dig between sprinkler risers/heads, especially after a dozen or so incidents.

https://www.byda.com.au/

[dedja]

That my missus has almost surgical precision in piecing irrigation pipes in the garden, usually with a fork, which means that I have to perform an archaeological dig to isolate the damage and repair.

Inevitably it is always my fault for putting the pipe where she needs to dig.

If I knew that she had this ability when we built the house, I would have spent the extra time to bury the pipes out of her reach, but that said, a normal person would possibly check whether they are about to dig between sprinkler risers/heads, especially after a dozen or so incidents.

https://www.byda.com.au/

I had the pleasure of repairing one run today that had 6 holes in 2 feet of pipe.

After repairing, went through the details with her so that she had no excuse next time. Yep, all good she says.

15 mins later …

But I’m not sure I’ll remember where the pipe is

To top it off, the sprinklers start up on the back lawn as programmed late this afternoon … except that there’s water gushing out between 2 of the pop-ups. Turns out the dog decided to get into the act and had dug a hole through the pipe. F*ck me.

[Vamos]

That's what ya get for being un-australian. All ya need is one of those round sprinklers, sit out the back with a sixer with the wireless on and pull the hose to where you want it every 30 mins

[Armchair expert]

Site is running too fast slow it down

[dedja]

pull the hose.

I do enough of that already.

[dedja]

Site is running too fast slow it down

Mission accomplished. Now I know who to blame.

[Vamos]

I haven’t seen crab mustard like this since the last time I went to Pt Clinton. Sort it out Boi

[Pseudo]

My shit gives me the shits.

This morning I attempted to collect a stool sample for the bowel cancer screening kit which periodically appears in the letterbox of us old farts. For you youngsters out there, this involves putting a sheet of paper (supplied in the kit) in the dunny bowl, crapping on it, then rubbing a stick (also supplied) on the turd before the lot is flushed.

So - I unfold the paper catcher and place it in the bowl. Drop strides, assume position, open the bomb bay doors and drop a load. Turn around with collection stick in hand - and find that my turd has punched a hole through the paper and dropped straight into the swimming pool.

Sigh.

[amber_fluid]

My shit gives me the shits.

This morning I attempted to collect a stool sample for the bowel cancer screening kit which periodically appears in the letterbox of us old farts. For you youngsters out there, this involves putting a sheet of paper (supplied in the kit) in the dunny bowl, crapping on it, then rubbing a stick (also supplied) on the turd before the lot is flushed.

So - I unfold the paper catcher and place it in the bowl. Drop strides, assume position, open the bomb bay doors and drop a load. Turn around with collection stick in hand - and find that my turd has punched a hole through the paper and dropped straight into the swimming pool.

Sigh.

What sort of logs are you droppping?

[wenchbarwer]

My shit gives me the shits.

This morning I attempted to collect a stool sample for the bowel cancer screening kit which periodically appears in the letterbox of us old farts. For you youngsters out there, this involves putting a sheet of paper (supplied in the kit) in the dunny bowl, crapping on it, then rubbing a stick (also supplied) on the turd before the lot is flushed.

So - I unfold the paper catcher and place it in the bowl. Drop strides, assume position, open the bomb bay doors and drop a load. Turn around with collection stick in hand - and find that my turd has punched a hole through the paper and dropped straight into the swimming pool.

Sigh.

What sort of logs are you droppping?

High iron diet

[dedja]

My shit gives me the shits.

This morning I attempted to collect a stool sample for the bowel cancer screening kit which periodically appears in the letterbox of us old farts. For you youngsters out there, this involves putting a sheet of paper (supplied in the kit) in the dunny bowl, crapping on it, then rubbing a stick (also supplied) on the turd before the lot is flushed.

So - I unfold the paper catcher and place it in the bowl. Drop strides, assume position, open the bomb bay doors and drop a load. Turn around with collection stick in hand - and find that my turd has punched a hole through the paper and dropped straight into the swimming pool.

Sigh.

Now you have to wait 2 years to try again.

[Booney]

My shit gives me the shits.

This morning I attempted to collect a stool sample for the bowel cancer screening kit which periodically appears in the letterbox of us old farts. For you youngsters out there, this involves putting a sheet of paper (supplied in the kit) in the dunny bowl, crapping on it, then rubbing a stick (also supplied) on the turd before the lot is flushed.

So - I unfold the paper catcher and place it in the bowl. Drop strides, assume position, open the bomb bay doors and drop a load. Turn around with collection stick in hand - and find that my turd has punched a hole through the paper and dropped straight into the swimming pool.

Sigh.

Now you have to wait 2 years to try again.

He'll need to go before then I reckon.

[Corona Man]

My shit gives me the shits.

This morning I attempted to collect a stool sample for the bowel cancer screening kit which periodically appears in the letterbox of us old farts. For you youngsters out there, this involves putting a sheet of paper (supplied in the kit) in the dunny bowl, crapping on it, then rubbing a stick (also supplied) on the turd before the lot is flushed.

So - I unfold the paper catcher and place it in the bowl. Drop strides, assume position, open the bomb bay doors and drop a load. Turn around with collection stick in hand - and find that my turd has punched a hole through the paper and dropped straight into the swimming pool.

Sigh.

What sort of logs are you droppping?

Razor Blades by the sound of it....

[Vamos]

My shit gives me the shits.

This morning I attempted to collect a stool sample for the bowel cancer screening kit which periodically appears in the letterbox of us old farts. For you youngsters out there, this involves putting a sheet of paper (supplied in the kit) in the dunny bowl, crapping on it, then rubbing a stick (also supplied) on the turd before the lot is flushed.

So - I unfold the paper catcher and place it in the bowl. Drop strides, assume position, open the bomb bay doors and drop a load. Turn around with collection stick in hand - and find that my turd has punched a hole through the paper and dropped straight into the swimming pool.

Sigh.

Next time: Drop strides and lay it on the lawn, get your swab, hose ya bum down, get up and kick your feet back 3-5 times, pick up the deposit and drop it in the neighbours bin on bin night.

[Spargo]

My shit gives me the shits.

This morning I attempted to collect a stool sample for the bowel cancer screening kit which periodically appears in the letterbox of us old farts. For you youngsters out there, this involves putting a sheet of paper (supplied in the kit) in the dunny bowl, crapping on it, then rubbing a stick (also supplied) on the turd before the lot is flushed.

So - I unfold the paper catcher and place it in the bowl. Drop strides, assume position, open the bomb bay doors and drop a load. Turn around with collection stick in hand - and find that my turd has punched a hole through the paper and dropped straight into the swimming pool.

Sigh.

Next time: Drop strides and lay it on the lawn, get your swab, hose ya bum down, get up and kick your feet back 3-5 times, pick up the deposit and drop it in the neighbours bin on bin night.

What are you doing posting at this time?
You’re 9 hours early!

[Vamos]

My shit gives me the shits.

This morning I attempted to collect a stool sample for the bowel cancer screening kit which periodically appears in the letterbox of us old farts. For you youngsters out there, this involves putting a sheet of paper (supplied in the kit) in the dunny bowl, crapping on it, then rubbing a stick (also supplied) on the turd before the lot is flushed.

So - I unfold the paper catcher and place it in the bowl. Drop strides, assume position, open the bomb bay doors and drop a load. Turn around with collection stick in hand - and find that my turd has punched a hole through the paper and dropped straight into the swimming pool.

Sigh.

Next time: Drop strides and lay it on the lawn, get your swab, hose ya bum down, get up and kick your feet back 3-5 times, pick up the deposit and drop it in the neighbours bin on bin night.

What are you doing posting at this time?
You’re 9 hours early!

It's a school night Man!

[Armchair expert]

Looking after my sisters cat, noticed him having trouble peeing, took him to the vet this morning thinking maybe some medication and he'll be right.

2k to 3k bill this afternoon incoming

[Dutchy]

gout

600mg allopurinol - daily
Never had gout since

Jeepers, I just got upped from 100mg tablets to 200mg, maybe I need a bigger hit like you. Just been thru 3 weeks of it in my Knee, Ankle and Wrist

[gadj1976]

My Visa card being compromised.

I received a message at 2.20 this morning to advise that I had a potentially fraudulent transaction on my card - which I initially thought was a hoax. Whilst it's turned out to be true, and I appreciate the bank for notifying me, I now have to deal with all the vendors I'd set up automatic payments with.

I did receive an email this afternoon advising that I'd had a rejection on a transaction, and now I owe the vendor $14.95 as a penalty fee for the transaction rejecting. Sigh....

Bloody hackers.

Now I have to deal with 3-5 days of having no card and trying to navigate through life without the ability to use a card. It'll be like dealing with life in 1976!

[Spargo]

My Visa card being compromised.

I received a message at 2.20 this morning to advise that I had a potentially fraudulent transaction on my card - which I initially thought was a hoax. Whilst it's turned out to be true, and I appreciate the bank for notifying me, I now have to deal with all the vendors I'd set up automatic payments with.

I did receive an email this afternoon advising that I'd had a rejection on a transaction, and now I owe the vendor $14.95 as a penalty fee for the transaction rejecting. Sigh....

Bloody hackers.

Now I have to deal with 3-5 days of having no card and trying to navigate through life without the ability to use a card. It'll be like dealing with life in 1976!

At least Sturt won the flag that year…