Things that make you laugh

[OnSong]

More amazon mirth. Read the reviews.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000MS ... roduct_top

Just spent an hour reading banana slicing reviews. Classic stuff.

[Squids]

The shops are closed for what one day? everyone shops like they will be in bomb shelters for a month.

[Johno6]

That's stock standard behaviors mate.
Crazy

[Strawb]

My mates knuckleheaded son's logic. Offer Box seat in an all you can drink and eat box at tomorrows grand final Vs. 3 hours work. He choose work.

[scoob]

Reading a crows supporters fb update today saying... they are still seething that the crows aren't playing after they deserve to be there... I didn't realise losing 2 out of 3 finals makes you deserved grand finalist.... WADH!

[woodublieve12]

Reading a crows supporters fb update today saying... they are still seething that the crows aren't playing after they deserve to be there... I didn't realise losing 2 out of 3 finals makes you deserved grand finalist.... WADH!

well said... still would have lost today... go swans

[mighty_tiger_79]

the sunday mail with ben hook and watshername in regards to the slowdown with collingwood. they mention the possibility of a Port adelaide slowdown at the start of next year and finish it off with

You heard it here first


well NO, i heard that on the radio last week

[The Ash Man]

my misses abslutely hates that word with a passion

Mine too, I use it as often as possible!

[Booney]

Kiss me Ktut...

[mighty_tiger_79]

http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/residents ... 6486542120

[scoob]

http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/residents-up-in-arms-after-council-hires-contractors-to-mow-fake-grass/story-e6frea6u-1226486542120

Not such a silly idea... I get the missus to use the lawnmower to pick up the leaves on the lawn... its heaps easier for her.

[overloaded]

I use the mower to pick up the dog goona. mulches it up and it dissapears. stench not real good on the fresh one's but saves my back

[scoob]

I use the mower to pick up the dog goona. mulches it up and it dissapears. stench not real good on the fresh one's but saves my back

Works a treat on the white ones!... PFFFT and its gone!

[overloaded]

Over winter they stay moist for long periods and doesnt work as well but when they are baking in the sun you are correct...PFFFT !!

[Squids]

Cricinfo's facebook page. Some very funny conspiracy theories by Indian fans in the comments section at the moment.

[Strawb]

http://hahasforhoohas.com/the-fart-that ... y-destiny/

[fisho mcspaz]

http://hahasforhoohas.com/the-fart-that-almost-altered-my-destiny/

I laughed my arse off at this. When Mr McSpaz wanted to know what I was laughing at, I tried to explain it to him but he didn't get it. He must be the only bloke in the world immune to fart humour (for which I'm grateful, having grown up with a father who thought doing a fart was the most hilarious thing ever, and must therefore be repeated often).

[woodublieve12]

This whole Kurt Tippett thing... Hilarious...

[Jimmy_041]

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don 't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF !!!. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet,chest on fire,my 'junk' nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my 'junk' and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!

[fisho mcspaz]

Mr McSpaz passing out after celbrating anorwood winning gvrand final. I don;t know what im gunna do when he realises about the moustache but i will just pretend it didnt happen.

simon after norwood won haha.jpg (98.75 KiB) Viewed 825 times