Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

[MightyEagles]

Nursing in 1903

A nurse should wear a neat cap, and should be careful to have shoes which do not creak. A pair of scissors and a pin-cushion carried from a girdle will be found also of the greatest service. It is customary with many nurses to carry with them a some pocket case filled with instruments, such as scissors, dressing forceps, caustic holder, tongue depressor, and so forth, but these things are intended only for show, and are quite unnecessary.

[MightyEagles]

A nurse was giving discharge instructions to a patient.

"And most importantly," the nurse said, "be sure to drink plenty of fluids."

"Ah," the patient replied, "there's my problem. All along I was trying to drink solids!"

[MightyEagles]

Cherry Ames Nursing by Helen Wells

This collection of novels were geared toward young girls when it came out in the '40s through the '60s and meant to inspire them to a career in nursing. The young girl the stories centre on is at first a student nurse but later becomes a full-fledged professional, all while she solves mysteries, stands up for herself, and becomes a fully independent woman. The novels are surprisingly feminist for their early publication date, and while they contain some nursing stereotypes, are still fun, inspiring, and entertaining reads for anyone working in the field.

[MightyEagles]

[Nurses] make a difference for all of us, the difference between pain and peace, hope and despair, life and death. A difference that deserves recognition every day. . . . Thank you for answering your calling simply by answering our call light.

[MightyEagles]

True Tale

Some patients are just too humble and don't want to be a bother. Our social worker asked a hard-of-hearing, ninety-eight-year-old patient what his wishes were should his heart stop. Would he want us to perform CPR? He answered, "Well, if it's convenient."

[MightyEagles]

Quick Funnies

Whatever happened to Preparations A to G?

[MightyEagles]

Cheap ways to boost nursing staff morale

- Have all providers go bottomless for the day.
- Play Russian roulette with the urine containers. Save several samples of urine and fill a few more with apple juiced. See who makes the most mistakes with a taste-testing contest.
- Hold a monthly potluck day where an unidentified member brings in a homemade dish that contains medical marijuana.

[MightyEagles]

Pleasant man lying comfortably in bed. Appears somewhat uncomfortable.

[MightyEagles]

JSP:- Jerry Springer patient

FDGB:- fall down go boom

GPO:- good for parts only

[MightyEagles]

Each of us, as nurses, is going to encounter situations in our lives where we can serve our fellow human beings outside of our workplaces. There are circumstances where we cannot practise as a registered nurse. However, we can still maintain that attitude of servanthood and service to those around us. And isn't that what being a great nurse is all about anyway?

[MightyEagles]

I have just three things to teach:- simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.

[MightyEagles]

Overheard at Medieval Nursing School

- Good Knight, thy speed at treating boils is unsurpasse3d in all the kingdom! Thou shalt be called "Sir Lance-a-lot."
- Gesundheit! Now be sure to wipe that off his liver.
- Come now Hypoglycies, how can too much sugar possibly be bad for you?

[MightyEagles]

If I were a poet, that is what I write about. People who work in the middle of the night. Men who loaded trains, emergency room nurses with their gentle hands. Night clerks in hotels, cabdrivers on graveyard, waitresses in all-night coffee shops. They knew the world, how precious it was when a person remembered your name, the comfort of a rhetorical question, "How's it going, how's the kids?" They knew how long the night was. They knew the sound life made as it left. It rattles, like a slamming screen door in the wind.

[MightyEagles]

Q:- How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?

A:- None. The doctor just forgot to flip the switch on.

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If you call me on the call light to tell me you're having a seizure, nope, I'm gonna go ahead and say that is not what's happening. Also, I'm gonna have to take off tem points for you changing your complaint to chest pain after I walk into the room and tell you, "If you can call to say it's happening obviously it's not a seizure."

[MightyEagles]

No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads with to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.

[MightyEagles]

- Rattlesnakes don't like to be petted.
- Alcohol my provide courage, but it doesn't provide skill.\
- Bathroom panic attacks are sometimes warranted, but usually not if you ate beets for dinner.

[MightyEagles]

Nurses rely on three essential things: a stethoscope, a good pen, and a pair of scissors. Anything else is flare that can be picked up on a case-by-case basis.

[MightyEagles]

About 6.6 percent of the registered nurses in the US are men.

[MightyEagles]

- Don't bite it! You need to swallow it alive for it to work!
- They should translate these obscure medical terms into something easy, like Latin.
-Now, remove the speculum from the fire and insert it thusly . . .