Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Anything!

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:10 am

What the doctor says: There is a lot of that going around.
What the doctor means: My God, that is the third one this week. I'd better ask my nurse to study up on it.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Thu Apr 03, 2014 4:43 pm

Quick Funnies

If, as the ads say, four out of five people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:24 am

You know you've waited to long to take a vacation when you take a trip to Italy, stand in line for half an hour to see Michelangelo's David, and all you can think of when you see the statue is, "Wow, what massive pedal edema!" And, "I could put a fourteen in that hand without a tourniquet!"
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Sat Apr 05, 2014 6:19 pm

The human nose can recognize and remember fifty thousand different scents. Most nurses can identify several scents they wish they could forget.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
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Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Mon Apr 07, 2014 11:34 am

Nursing in 1903

It is hardly necessary to say that a nurse should be honest and truthful, for the vast majority of English nurses possess these qualifications in the very highest degree. When a man living alone, say in chambers, is suddenly taken ill, he must of necessity by nursed, almost equally of necessity the nurse has to be given charge, not only of his expenditure, but of his personal effects. The nurse is commonly a perfect stranger to him, and although this responsibility arises in thousands of cases, we have never heard of a single instance in which the slightest suspicion of dishonestly or unfair dealing has arisen. The only danger to the patient is entirely of another character, for it sometimes happens that the invalid during his long period of convalescence, becomes so enamoured of his kindly attendant that he finds it impossible to dispense with her services, and marries her!
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Tue Apr 08, 2014 11:09 am

Maternity Hospital: We Deliver 24 Hours A Day

Proctology Department: Bottoms Up
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
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Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Wed Apr 09, 2014 11:36 am

America has the best doctors, the best nurses, the best hospitals, the best medical technology, the best breakthrough medicines in the world. There is absolutely no reason we should not have in this country the best health care in the world.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:28 am

"Hello, nurse," said a rabbi, phoning me at our hospital nurses' station. "I got a call that a patient wanted to see me, but I'm not sure which one it was."
Clueless myself, I took a wild stab. I walked into a room, woke up the patient and asked", "Did you request a rabbi?"
"No," she said sleepily, "I ordered the chef's salad."
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
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Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Fri Apr 11, 2014 11:28 am

It may seem a strange principle to enunciate as the very first requirement in a hospital that it should do the sick no harm. -Florence Nightingale
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
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Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Sun Apr 13, 2014 11:49 am

Quick funnies

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Mon Apr 14, 2014 11:41 am

A man visited the nurse practitioner complaining he had lost all hearing in his right ear. "Let me have a look," said the NP. "I see the problem. You've got a suppository stuck in your ear!"

The patient asked to use the phone, called home and said, "Helen, you can stop looking for my hearing aid. I know where it is now."
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
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Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Tue Apr 15, 2014 11:05 am

Lessons learned

- Don't use your bedside commode as a walker.

- Riding bulls is as dangerous as it sounds.

- Never use your hand to clear snow from a clogged snow blower while it is still turned on.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Wed Apr 16, 2014 11:51 am

TDFD - too drunk for detox
HIBGIA - had it before, got it again
CID-STW - came in dead, stayed that way
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Thu Apr 17, 2014 12:35 pm

True Tale

The disposable gowns our nurses wear during surgery have stickers on the inside sleeves: L for left , R for right. Those stinking little things stick like crazy to your elbows and arms. I ad to stop at the grocery store on the way home from work one day. Little did I know, there were "L" and "R" stickers on my arms. A little old lady came up to me and said, "Honey, don't you know your left from your right?" To which I replied, "No ma'am, not today."
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Fri Apr 18, 2014 11:23 am

History of fireballs in the uterus.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:27 am

Okay, kids. If the date is 4/20 and one of your classmates offers you a baked good, say, a brownie, and after eating said brownie, you feel weird, chances are yeah. You're probably high right now ... Rarely does this necessitate making your poor mom (who has to work tomorrow) take you to the ER to wait for hours for a full cardiac and neuro workup, which she will in turn have to pay for as well. Just sleep it off. Or go to a hospital where the doctor doesn't think CIPS are necessary for the chief complaint of "my head feels weird." Or stop taking desserts from the kid in the Bob Marley shirt.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:46 am

Nurse: Are you on any special diets?
Patient: Yes, I drink Slim-Fast twice a day, but it's not working. In fact, I've gained several pounds.
Nurse: Really? Do you think that skipping meals to drink a shake makes you so hungry that you overeat later?
Patient: What do you mean, "skipping meals"?
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Tue Apr 22, 2014 11:09 am

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:08 am

Quick funnies

Nurse: What's bothering you today?

Patient: For as long as I can remember, I've had amnesia. But then last night I stayed up wondering if it was really insomnia
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
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Grassroots Team: United Eagles

Re: Nurses (desk calendar) Jokes, Antidotes, etc (no pics)

Postby MightyEagles » Thu Apr 24, 2014 11:44 am

Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light.
WOOOOO, Premiers 1993, 2006 and 2011!
Eagles - P 528 W 320 L 205 D 3 W% 60.89
WFC - P 575 W 160 L 411 D 4 W% 28.17
WTFC - P 1568 W 702 L 841 D 25 W% 45.56
Total - P 2671 W 1183 L 1457 D 32 W% 44.88
3 Flags - 1 Club
MightyEagles
Coach
 
 
Posts: 11771
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:38 pm
Location: The MightyEagles Memorial Timekeepers Box
Has liked: 10 times
Been liked: 12 times
Grassroots Team: United Eagles

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