International Men's Rules

[Punk Rooster]

1. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella, unless at the footy & their pies are getting wet. Then it is permissible, only for the eating period.

2. It is ok for men to cry under the folloinig circumstances...
-when a heroic dog dies, trying to save iy's master
-the moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
-after wrecking your bosse's car
-when she uses her teeth

3. Any man who brings a camera to a buck's night may be lawfully killed.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, then his sister is off limits forever, unless you marry her.

6. Complaining about the brand of free beer in your mate's fridge is a big no-no. However, sledge away if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy another man a birthday present. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching sporting events, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but not who's playing.

10. You may drop your guts in front of a woman, but only after you've brought her to climax. If you enforce a dutch oven on her, she's officially your girlfriend!

11. It is permissible to sip a fruity alcopop drink, only when your sunning yourself on a tropical beach... and it's delivered to you by a topless supermodel.. and it's free.

12. Only in situations of physical and or moral peril, may you kick a bloke in the cods.

13. Unless your in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear speedo's. Ever.

15. If a bloke's fly is down, that's his concern. You didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love watching sport" must be treated as spies, until they can demonstrate knowledge of the game (ie explain the laws of LBW, or what "offside" is), and the ability to drink as mutch as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman, must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last slice of pizza, or beer, but not both. That's just being greedy.

19. If you compiment a bloke on his 6-pack, you better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's witholding sex pending your response.

21. You may not offer these words of encouragement, when another man's lifting weights...
-Yeah baby, push it!
-C'mon, give me 1 more, harder!
-another set & we can hit the showers

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom, unless on equal footing (ie both urinating, both waiting in line etc). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation that's required.

23. Never allow a phone conversation with a woman go longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone, hang up if neccesary.

24. The morning after you & a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have a drunken shag, the fact that your feeling weird & guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again, before the discussion comes about "what a big mistake it was" occurs (ie the booze starts to wear off).

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. If you are in a position where someone else must drive your car (ie your too pissed), find a mate to do it. If you find a girl, she's your girlfriend, and you may criticise her driving at will.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "what do you want for christmas?" with "if you loved me, you'd know what to get me" gets an XBox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for men to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics. Ever.

[MightyEagles]

What if it's females ice skating?
also never buy cars that have Central or Port colours in them. Except for red.