Puns

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Puns

Postby Psyber » Mon Jul 30, 2012 6:29 pm

I know you are supposed to groan at them, but some are so clever, you can't help smiling!
Here is a little collection a colleague sent me - I love number 34:
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
6.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
10. A calendar's days are numbered.
11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
13. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
14. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
15. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
17. When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
23. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of maths
disruption.
25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
27. Two silk worms had a race; they ended up in a tie.
28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
30. I wondered why the ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
34. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.
EPIGENETICS - Lamarck was right!
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Re: Puns

Postby Pseudo » Mon Jul 30, 2012 7:21 pm

Psyber wrote:Here is a little collection a colleague sent me - I love number 34:


As a rule?
Clowns OUT. Smears OUT. RESIST THE OCCUPATION.
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Re: Puns

Postby Media Park » Mon Jul 30, 2012 8:52 pm

Pseudo wrote:
Psyber wrote:Here is a little collection a colleague sent me - I love number 34:


As a rule?

:D
Direct quote:
Wedgie wrote:I wear skin tight arseless leather pants, wtf do you wear?
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Re: Puns

Postby Rik E Boy » Mon Jul 30, 2012 10:37 pm

Thompson gets off scott free.

regards,

REB
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Re: Puns

Postby dedja » Mon Jul 30, 2012 10:39 pm

Pseudo wrote:
Psyber wrote:Here is a little collection a colleague sent me - I love number 34:


As a rule?


:-?
Dunno, I’m just an idiot.
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Re: Puns

Postby CENTURION » Mon Jul 30, 2012 11:03 pm

she can't wrestle but you should see her box.
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Re: Puns

Postby Jimmy_041 » Mon Jul 30, 2012 11:07 pm

Where ever you look............ you can see No 34
dedja: Dunno, I’m just an idiot.
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Re: Puns

Postby Il Duce » Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:46 am

Lol these are all gold.
The problem with Barcelona is that I like fish and chips but they had to turn it into calamari and patatas
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Re: Puns

Postby fisho mcspaz » Wed Aug 15, 2012 10:02 pm

Ever read Lennie Lower's work, Psyber? He was a master of puns and wordplay. Here's what he has to say about milk: 'It is a thick white substance with rum in it. Or it may be very shaken with vanilla in it; it depends on the cow who serves you. There is no udder source of milk than the cow, which is an animal with two horns which it never toots.' :D
Hey Goose, ya big stud! Take me to bed or lose me for ever.
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Re: Puns

Postby Magpiespower » Thu Aug 16, 2012 12:00 am

fisho mcspaz wrote:Lennie Lower...


Frank Packer sacked him on the spot in 1940 for this exchange...

Noel Coward: "Ah! The King of Australian humorists, one presumes!"

Lennie Lower: "Ah! The Queen of the English stage, one presumes!"

:lol:
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Re: Puns

Postby fisho mcspaz » Thu Aug 16, 2012 1:09 am

Magpiespower wrote:
fisho mcspaz wrote:Lennie Lower...


Frank Packer sacked him on the spot in 1940 for this exchange...

Noel Coward: "Ah! The King of Australian humorists, one presumes!"

Lennie Lower: "Ah! The Queen of the English stage, one presumes!"

:lol:


That would've gone down like a tonne of bricks!!! I did hear that the rival newspaper hired him about half an hour after Packer gave him the boot. :lol:
Hey Goose, ya big stud! Take me to bed or lose me for ever.
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Re: Puns

Postby Magpiespower » Thu Aug 16, 2012 12:53 pm

fisho mcspaz wrote:That would've gone down like a tonne of bricks!!! I did hear that the rival newspaper hired him about half an hour after Packer gave him the boot. :lol:


Yeah, he was working (and drinking!) for a rival mag the very next morning.

Apparently - but not surprisingly - Noel wasn't the least bit amused.

Especially being upstaged by a colonial...

:lol:
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Re: Puns

Postby Psyber » Thu Aug 16, 2012 7:25 pm

fisho mcspaz wrote:Ever read Lennie Lower's work, Psyber? He was a master of puns and wordplay. Here's what he has to say about milk: 'It is a thick white substance with rum in it. Or it may be very shaken with vanilla in it; it depends on the cow who serves you. There is no udder source of milk than the cow, which is an animal with two horns which it never toots.' :D
Some a long time ago.
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Re: Puns

Postby fisho mcspaz » Fri Aug 17, 2012 9:33 pm

Magpiespower wrote:
fisho mcspaz wrote:That would've gone down like a tonne of bricks!!! I did hear that the rival newspaper hired him about half an hour after Packer gave him the boot. :lol:


Yeah, he was working (and drinking!) for a rival mag the very next morning.

Apparently - but not surprisingly - Noel wasn't the least bit amused.

Especially being upstaged by a colonial...

:lol:


Yes, some time after that infamous exchange Lower was quoted as saying 'I've been following around that poof for an hour, waiting for him to say something funny so I could write about it!'
Hey Goose, ya big stud! Take me to bed or lose me for ever.
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Re: Puns

Postby ORDoubleBlues » Fri Aug 17, 2012 11:07 pm

Image

Big Pun
R.I.P. Patrice Lumumba 1925 - 1961
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