Tales from the Polling Booth

[Pseudo]

I would not vote, given the choice, because:
- I do not care which entities form government
- I do not suffer the illusion that my vote makes a difference.
An acquaintance of mine once forgot to vote in a state election, and when sent the obligatory "please explain" letter, he simply claimed that he didn't realise that voting in state elections was compulsory. He was fined a minimal amount for this, only $10 I think. I considered the merits of paying $10 to stay on my bum at home, but in the end decided the walk to the polling booth and back would be my exercise for the day. So off I set.

Arrived at the booth and ran the gauntlet of leaflet pushers. "No thanks", I said politely to the liberal. "No thanks", I said a little more gruffly to the next bloke, who had witnessed me refusing the Libs. I barked "NO THANKS" to the third. I simply stared down the fourth cretin; she froze in mid reach, her hand slowly returning to her side, still clutching her leaflet.

Got to the entry and was harassed by a little squirt pimping soft drinks to raise $ for the school. Told him to wait 'til I came out.

The Bint At The Door asked me if I'd come to vote in Elder. "Damned if I know", I said, and fished the little green slip out of my wallet. Having confirmed I was in the right place she sent me "to the farthest table, right down the end".

I sauntered to the farthest table right down the end, where the bloke sitting there simply ignored me. A corpulent lady wandered up and asked "can I help you"? I said "yeah, you can cross my name off". She promptly told me off and directed me to another table; apparently "the table right down the end" wasn't one where you got your name crossed off.

The incompetent fool from the door came shuffling over, apologising profusely. "Oh, you didn't mean the table at the end at the end, you meant the table at the end in the middle of the room", I said loudly. I was directed to wait behind a bloke being served at one table. This bloke was a cretin; he required the name-cross-offing droid to explain the finer points of the electoral system to him in great detail. Meanwhile the door bint was directing a steady stream of new arrivals to the other table in sequence, each getting their name crossed off in 30 seconds and moving on.

While waiting for this pillock to be shown how to form the numerals 1 to 5, I looked around the room. My attention was drawn to The Exit Nazi (tm). This sour old lady was lurking by the ballot boxes, forcing everybody to fold their ballot papers in a manner which was aesthetically pleasing to her before she would allow them to be posted.

After 5 minutes the cretin in front of me was finally satisfied that he could label the ballot slip in his preferred manner (new idea: if you do not cast your ballot within 5 minutes of entering the booth then your vote is informal. Any of those twits who vote below the line should care enough to have their vote worked out before they enter the booth in the first place). I presented my card, was asked the obligatory "have you voted elsewhere today" question, given my slips and waved away - all in less than a minute.

After the delay I felt disinclined to vote in my usual manner (by drawing crude depictions of genitalia on the ballot slips) and instead simply marched for the ballot boxes. I absent-mindedly folded the ballots in half as I walked. Then in half again for the upper house paper. Then again. Realising that it was still too big for the slot on the upper house box, I simply scrunched the paper as I reached forwards to the holes.

"Nein! Mein Gott!", screamed the Exit Nazi. "You must fold your paper neatly as small as possible!" she screamed, reaching forwards and taking my ballot from my hands. I was tempted to point out that she was infringing my democratic right by interfering with my ballot paper, but quickly remembered that I did not care about said democratic rights in the first place. I simply let go of the ballot papers, leaving her holding the pair of them, said "you can do whatever you like with 'em darling", and walked out as she gazed slackjawed after me. The Door Bint also witnessed this.

Immediately I fell into the arms of the 8 year old softdrink pusher. He had installed himself by the exit immedately after our last encounter and he pounced upon me, insisting that I buy sugary junk water from him. On enquiry he admitted that they weren't selling any diet softies so I gave him a donation instead.

All up a dreadful waste of time which I could have spent more profitably by sitting on my @rse and developing a case of Deep Vein Thrombosis. Next year perhaps I'll get someone to vote on my behalf, in the manner of his choosing. That way I get to avoid the polling booth, and some over-eager schmuck gets to make his vote count twice. I won't bother pointing out that twice times SFA is still SFA.

[am Bays]

All up a dreadful waste of time which I could have spent more profitably by sitting on my @rse and developing a case of Deep Vein Thrombosis. Next year perhaps I'll get someone to vote on my behalf, in the manner of his choosing. That way I get to avoid the polling booth, and some over-eager schmuck gets to make his vote count twice. I won't bother pointing out that twice times SFA is still SFA.

Good news Psuedo, I think we are due to go to the Polls in December this year for K-Rud...

[redandblack]

Most entertaining, Pseudo, even if I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Enjoyed the prose, though.

PS: If your vote doesn't make a difference, (which it doesn't, as you vote for the same non-party every election), whose does?

PPS: I could be wrong, as you've changed from the Genitalia Party to the Scrunched-Up Party

[maxyoz]

Was very disappointed with a fresh bunch of Gen Y'ers out to vote for their first time in their posse. As they walked past the "How to Vote" giver outerers, rather than a simple no thanks, they would ask loudly "who are you?" When told the party, they would either finish with a "you've got no f&#ken hope" or a "good onya mate". Then they'd giggle amongst themselves.

Whilst lining up waiting to get in, these 6 democratic deciders just waltzed in as if they owned the place, a lovely old lady asked me what we were meant to be doing. I just mentioned to her that this was the line to go in, which apprently the youth of today don't need to worry about. This drew some scary stares from the Gen Y kiddies.

When inside, all you could hear were these kids carrying on "Liberal are f*#ked, what a waste of time, the greens are all f*#king hippies" etc etc. And with the amount of elderly there, it was just plain disgraceful. Ended up, they were all doing an absentee vote anyway. Maybe their parents were too embarassed to have them in their electorate. Not the best way for 4 girls and 2 guys from our future to be carrying on. At least our 18 year old son went with his Mum who showed him through the process, being a first timer and all - they just got out of bed too late for my liking. Plus, I do the below the line thing, so generally incur the wrath of a non-patient wife.

The fare on offer by the Oaklands Park Anglican Church was a good array of jams, spreads and cakes. Even saw our Liberal Candidate do a drive by - maybe she was just getting there or just leaving - or about to do a "hit" on one of her opponents.

I thought the ABC's telecast was it's usual pro-Labor affair with Kerry O'Brien - but I too enjoyed watching what was transpiring around the State, whilst sending and receiving amusing SMS's from fellow voters.

[Blue Boy]

I rocked up at about 7.50 am to vote thinking that our local booth was open @ 6 but it didnt open until 8.

So I thought oh well the 10 minutes I have to wait now will probably be the same if not more if I came back later.

Im so glad I stayed as the couple of seniors in front of me were going of there chewy because it didnt open until 8 and they repeated to each other on the minute every minute the same thing over and over again - and yet they didnt say any thing else to each other

I wish I had all day every day to have time up my sleeve

[Blue Boy]

Side note you could vote at 2 different seats at our booth and I lined up at the wrong one - but it worked out for some good chuckles

[Q.]

Had already decided to not cast a vote. Normally would vote, but being well out of the loop in recent months, I couldn't bear the thought of an uninformed decision. Best not to get a fine though, so after packing my footy bag, down to the primary school I went. I'm pretty sure I can still get to the ground on time, this should not take more than thirty minutes.

Outside I managed to avoid being accosted by those folk pimping how-to-vote cards. I suppose there is an advantage to that 'I might shank you with an ice pick if you make eye contact with me' look (although, I assure you, looks are incredibly deceiving).

Green slip? I have no idea what you are talking about, reckon I might have to cast an absentee vote. So I get put at the end of a long line. They clearly haven't anticipated the large number of absentee votes being cast. Time ticks away and I slowly move to the front of the line. It should be relatively painless, just tell the unhealthy looking obese fella that you won't be voting.

I sit. Your name? The rest of my family are on the register but I am not. Umm, what? It's okay, it's probably just an error, I'll just get you to fill out this enrolment form so we can be sure. As I check the time, he produces a large, four-page form. Okay fatty, this is not what I envisaged, I came here to NOT put pen to paper, I think to myself.

Look mate. I don't have time for this. I am coaching footy in about five minutes. Just answer this question for me, if I don't fill in this form and it is an error, will I get a fine if I walk out that door now?

I cannot advise you on that at this point of time.

Well, thanks for your help then. I get up and leave. As I walk to the car, I wonder if they still fine you even if you've got a good excuse - I was going to vote after playing football on Saturday afternoon, but, umm, I got concussed and never made it.

[Dogwatcher]

All up a dreadful waste of time which I could have spent more profitably by sitting on my @rse and developing a case of Deep Vein Thrombosis. Next year perhaps I'll get someone to vote on my behalf, in the manner of his choosing. That way I get to avoid the polling booth, and some over-eager schmuck gets to make his vote count twice. I won't bother pointing out that twice times SFA is still SFA.

Good news Psuedo, I think we are due to go to the Polls in December this year for K-Rud...

I'm tipping earlier

[Sploosh]

I absent-mindedly folded the ballots in half as I walked. Then in half again for the upper house paper. Then again. Realising that it was still too big for the slot on the upper house box, I simply scrunched the paper as I reached forwards to the holes.

"Nein! Mein Gott!", screamed the Exit Nazi. "You must fold your paper neatly as small as possible!" she screamed, reaching forwards and taking my ballot from my hands.

As amusing as your tale was, this part was pretty hard to swallow. The smaller those papers are folded, the longer it takes the counters (which would definitely inclede your "exit nazi") to unfold all the bloody papers before they can be counted. It's always appreciated when they are folded as little as possible.

[Pseudo]

I absent-mindedly folded the ballots in half as I walked. Then in half again for the upper house paper. Then again. Realising that it was still too big for the slot on the upper house box, I simply scrunched the paper as I reached forwards to the holes.

"Nein! Mein Gott!", screamed the Exit Nazi. "You must fold your paper neatly as small as possible!" she screamed, reaching forwards and taking my ballot from my hands.

As amusing as your tale was, this part was pretty hard to swallow. The smaller those papers are folded, the longer it takes the counters (which would definitely inclede your "exit nazi") to unfold all the bloody papers before they can be counted. It's always appreciated when they are folded as little as possible.

Never underestimate the ability of a megalomaniac to lord it over somebody, even if it means making their own life harder. But feel free to believe that I simply made it up. Your belief carries as much weight as your vote.

[Dutchy]

Gold Pseudo!

My wife went to Melbourne for the weekend, therefore had to vote prior to Saturday, she went down to Marion and did it all in about 2 mins without any hassles, last Tuesday....

I also heard you can do a postal via printing, scanning and emailling these days all from the comfort of home.

Ill do this in the future, polling booths are shockers...

[mick]

I voted in Morgan about 9.30am as an absentee (live in Adelaide electorate) the majority of thiose voting seemed to be absentee, I had to wait in line for approximately 15 minutes.

[Simon_A]

I sit. Your name? The rest of my family are on the register but I am not. Umm, what? It's okay, it's probably just an error, I'll just get you to fill out this enrolment form so we can be sure. As I check the time, he produces a large, four-page form. Okay fatty, this is not what I envisaged, I came here to NOT put pen to paper, I think to myself.

Look mate. I don't have time for this. I am coaching footy in about five minutes. Just answer this question for me, if I don't fill in this form and it is an error, will I get a fine if I walk out that door now?

I cannot advise you on that at this point of time.

Well, thanks for your help then. I get up and leave. As I walk to the car, I wonder if they still fine you even if you've got a good excuse - I was going to vote after playing football on Saturday afternoon, but, umm, I got concussed and never made it.

Congratulations, you have somehow just slipped from the electoral role. From here you never need to vote again. I slipped from the electoral list back in '96.

[gossipgirl]

Anyone do the whole legislative council card?

I love voting, I reckon it's great.
Also enjoy following the election coverage as the votes roll in during the night.

Worth noting the massive number of people who postal voted as compared to voting on the day. Is it a sign of the times?

Yes I am still numbering them as I speak .......

[Jimmy_041]

[Ian]

"Have you voted anywhere else today?"

She should have asked "have you voted before in this election"

You could have voted up to 14 days prior to election day at a pre poll booth, postal vote etc, etc.