Crows meeting transcript

[White Line Fever]

Easily the best, that is the funniest thing i've read in years.
I'm crying!

Mark Bickley: (punches air) Culmination.

[saintal]

Loved the Jarrhan Jacky and Johnny Reid references.

[valleys07]

This is a classic:

Neil Craig: Anyone else finding this funny? John bloody Reid…eh? Ha-ha! You’ve got to hand it to him… he might be gone but he’s still F___ING WITH ME!

Phil Harper: (horrified) …Neil?

Neil Craig: Ben Hudson… the best ruckman we’ve had since Shaun Rehn… three year deal please… but NOOOO-OOOO!... We can’t possibly do that… Jacky on the other hand… here’s a ten year deal and would you like to kick Neil in the balls while you’re at it? You win JR!

[saintal]

http://bigfooty.com/forum/showthread.php?t=703841

[Strawb]

http://bigfooty.com/forum/showthread.php?t=703841

More Gold I Love this bit
David Burtenshaw: Ok, Neil. The next one’s for you. Cornelius of Woodville writes: Dear Neil, do you think you are too short to be an AFL coach? I’ve noticed that during the team huddles the players at the back don’t seem to be able to see or hear you properly.

Neil Craig: …That is the most-

David Burtenshaw: Hang on, there’s more. Also in the footage from the rooms before the game and at half time you don’t seem to be able to reach the top of the whiteboard. Is this why we don’t have good tactics in the forward line?

[aceman]

Selection Night Transcript - AFC Part 2

Neil Craig: Righto boys, these Showdown games are fantastic events for the South Australia footballing public. Really want to see some consistent effort and finals like intensity. We have to be patient… but with a real sense of urgency.

Ben Hart: Unchanged line up I reckon. You’re doing a great job, Neil. Keep doing what we’re doing.

Todd Viney: What the f___ do you mean keep doing what we’re doing?! We’re doing sh_t! 0-5! Let’s change things up.

Neil Craig: Well let’s see who we’ve got on the table. Ok… Dangerfield, Knights, Henderson all injured from the weekend. Hentschel, Mackay, Martin, Moran, Otten, Sellar, Sloane, Symes are all still out. Stevens, Bock, van Berlo, Porplyzia, Vince, Thompson, Tippett all playing sore or underdone. But we can’t use injuries as an excuse. And as a club we won’t. I absolutely will not use our enormous, debilitating injury list as an excuse.

And that goes for every one of you when you speak to the press. Don’t even mention injuries. Well… you can mention them when asked why our performances are so bad. But you cannot use them as an excuse. But, yeah I want you to mention them. But don’t lead off with them. Maybe throw in… hmmm… perhaps the lack of continuity, the lack of preseason for some of the players, not being able to get a stable team on the ground – throw that stuff in first so that they know we aren’t blaming injuries. After that you can mention the injuries.

But I’m not interested in using injuries as an excuse, is that clear? …pretty long list though, eh? It’s the longest in the league isn’t it?

Mark Bickley: Yeah I think so.

Neil Craig: Actually, Benny can you go and check that for me?

Ben Hart: Sure thing Neil.

Neil Craig: That’s it. Make yourself useful… (Ben leaves)….(under breath) for a change.

Todd Viney: I reckon he’d eat a **** sandwich if you asked him to.

<group sniggers>

Matthew Clarke: (puts up hand) Neil, may I please go to the toilet?

Neil Craig: Sure Matty.

<Matty leaves>

Neil Craig: No hurry.

Todd Viney: Should we wait for those two to come back?

Neil Craig: F___ no! Look, I’m sorry about those two, I know they’re out of their element. But we’re stuck with them. Long story… we were having a bit of salary cap trouble a few years ago… so we promised about a dozen blokes a job after they finished playing, in lieu of match payments. We’ve even got D Jars doing some corporate speaking stuff. God he’s terrible. Makes an awful mess of the buffets too.

Ben Hart: (re enters room) Neil! I checked the website, it’s the longest in the league alright.

Neil Craig: Ahh, thought so. So again, if you’re speaking to the media you can mention that too – “longest in the league”… has a nice ring to it. But only if they ask you about injuries specifically… or even if they don’t. Yeah, I want you to mention it.

Phil Harper: Should we get back to picking the team?

Neil Craig: Good idea. Thoughts?

David Noble: Taylor Walker kicked 3 for the Redlegs.

Neil Craig: Who?

David Noble: Walker. The Broken Hill kid.

Neil Craig: Oh, him. I think our half back line is ok at the moment, don’t see a spot for him. Anyone else?

Mark Bickley: Matthew Jaensch is burning it up for Sturt. Had 27 touches on the weekend.

Neil Craig: Yeah, but what’s his training form like? Have you seen much of him on the track David?

David Noble: Errr… I haven’t really been watching. I’ve been mostly working with the forwards on their goal kick-

<Sniggers around the table>

Todd Viney: Yeah, how’s that all going?

<More sniggers>

David Noble: Turn it up you blokes. We gonna win a centre clearance this year are we?

Todd Viney: Hey, you’re the one who always says you HAVE to have our best clearance player up forward for “structure”-

Neil Craig: Settle down, settle down fellas. Now, I like this sort of vigorous discussion. I’ve always valued good, open, honest feedback. I’m happy to take any advice on board. You guys all know that.

Phil Harper: (stifling cough) Bllsht!!!

Neil Craig: You say something Harps?

Phil Harper: No, just a bit of a cold. (Coughs again) Mssonfrkln!!!

Neil Craig: Have a Strepsil, Harps. You were saying Bicks?

Mark Bickly: Yeah, Matty Jaensch. I reckon he’ll handle a Showdown ok, he’s got some confidence. He’s been in Sturt’s best just about every week.

Neil Craig: He didn’t get much of it against the Eagles.

Mark Bickley: (brief pause) He didn’t play against the Eagles Neil, remember? You thought it would be better that he got some match day experience by hanging around in the rooms.

Neil Craig: Oh, that’s right. (thoughtful) Well if he’s been in the rooms on match day…

Todd Viney: … Errr… how does that help?

Neil Craig: Well the experience of seeing Goodwin and McLeod up close… seeing how those guys prepare… the professionalism… that stuff is invaluable. I mean, I know he’s trained alongside those blokes every single day since November but those few minutes in the rooms, I really value that. Ok, Jaensch in for Dangerfield. Bock and Stevens for Knights and Hendo. Anything else?

Todd Viney: What about the game plan?

Neil Craig: What about it?

Todd Viney: Well, do we need to change it up a little?

Neil Craig: I don’t think so.

Todd Viney: Well, it’s not really working.

Neil Craig: Maybe we could get Matty and Benny to come up with a new one?

<everyone laughs>

Neil Craig: Actually, Matty is probably producing more on the toilet right now than he has all year in this room.

<everyone laughs again>

Neil Craig: Actually, where is Matty? Did he fall in? Hi-oh!!!

<everyone laughs even harder>

Mark Bickley: You’re so bad, Neil!

David Noble: This is the side of you the public doesn’t see, Neil!

Neil Craig: (wiping away tear) But seriously, you guys really think we need to change what we’re doing? I think it’s really dangerous to make changes at this stage. We have to be very clear and the players have to be very clear on the type of football that wins finals matches. I value consistency. Consistency and steadiness.

Todd Viney: You changed it up last year though. Remember after Round 8? We were awesome after that.

Neil Craig: Yeah, but I don’t really know why that happened. We just started playing better. I didn’t change anything, that’s why I don’t know how to turn it around now. I just told people that we’d tweaked things when we started playing better, you know… to get some cred.

Phil Harper: So… does anyone have any ideas about the game plan or how we can turn this around?

<Long pause>

<Ben Hart puts up hand>

Neil Craig: Anyone else?

<Longer pause. No one says anything>

Neil Craig: I’m actually thinking about going into standup comedy if this coaching thing doesn’t work out. Brett Burton says I’m really funny.

[Brucetiki]

The latest transcript has been released

http://www.bigfooty.com/forum/showthread.php?t=730761

[Interceptor]

Media & Publicity transcript and it's a beauty:


http://www.bigfooty.com/forum/showthread.php?t=734377