BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[magpie in the 80's]

3 nuns were assigned to paint a room in the church. it was a scorcher of a day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes that they wear. they all decided to take their clothes off and continue to paint the room naked.

later they hear a knock at the door. "who is it ?????" said the nuns looking a bit tense.

the man who knocked replies "i'm the blind man"

so, the nuns decided to let him in since he wouldn't be able to see. as the man entered the room he stopped. turned his head to the left, then turned his head to the right, then all of a sudden looked at the nuns and said "NICE TITS SISTERS NOW WHERE DO YOU WANT THE BLINDS!!!!"

[magpie in the 80's]

one day superman is real horny and see's wonder woman sunbathing on a beach naked.

he's got an idea....."they've always said that i'm faster than a speeding bullet. so he zooms down and f...cks her in a flash and is gone without a trace. all of a sudden wonder woman sits up and says "what was that????"

then the invisible man gets up from between her legs and says "I DON"T KNOW BUT IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!"

[magpie in the 80's]

an 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girl's place.
one day he is passing by, carrying a footy, he can't resist tormenting the girl. he holds up the footy and says
"see this footy... footy is a boy's game and only boy's play it"

the litttle girl run's into the house and cries to her mother. "i want a footy!!". being the hip mum that she is, mum goes out and buys her a footy. the next day the girl is waiting for the boy who happens to ride up on his bike.

holding the footy up in the air she says "NAH NA NAH NA!!!" the boyangrily points to his bike and say's
"oh yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boy bikes so there you can't have one!!!"

little girl runs into the house to see mum and the very next day the girl is waiting for the boy with her brand new boy bike.

the boy gets furious and pulls his pants down and pointing to his penis and say's "look only boys have these and your mum cant buy one!!!"

the next day he walks by and say's to her, "well i guess i showed you" to which the little girl promptly lifted up her dress and pointed to her fanny and proclaimed "my mummy tells me as long as i have one of these i can have plenty of THOSE as i want"

[MW]

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd
toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle
of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to
answer her, a peanut fell into his ear. He tried and tried to dig the
peanut out, but only succeeded in pushing it deeper into his ear. He
called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying to remove
the peanut, they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with
her date.
After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he
could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down. The young man then shoved
two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the
father
blew, the peanut flew out, and everyone was pleased.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter took him
into the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone, the mother
turned to the father, exclaiming, "That was wonderful! Isn't he
intelligent? What do you think he'll be when he grows older?!"
The father replies, "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

[mal]

RATINGS TIME

M80S

CROCODILE 7-5
PILOT............7-9
BLIND MAN....7-3
INVISIBLEMAN 8-2 VERY VERY FUNNY
LITTLE GIRL 7-4

MW

FINGERS 8-2 BRILLIANT.

My turn

JUNKIE ROOSTER was in court for possesion ,use and sale of cannabis.
JUDGE : 6 Months Jail or $10,000 ?"
JUNKIE: I'll have the $10 grand thanks."

[Squawk]

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.

He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

[mal]

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.

He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

A very nice Squawky clean joke
Face value RATING a very good 8-1
If we substitute the men for blondes in the joke would = 8-4[do you agree SQ ]

[magpie in the 80's]

3 tampons walking down the street .....maxi, slim and ultra.

which one says hello?
.
.
.
.
"none"...there all stuck up cu...ts!!!!!

[magpie in the 80's]

one day a hooker from hanson road went to get her tax done and for occupation she put down prostitute.

the taxman explained to her that prostitution was illegal occupation.

she said she'd have to go home and think about it and that she would call back in an hour or 2.

2 hours later she called in to the taxman and said "i've got it chicken farmer."

taxman said "how do you get chicken farmer out of prostitute."

hooker said "I'VE RAISED OVER A 1,000 C...CKS LAST YEAR!!!!

[magpie in the 80's]

another hanson road hooker says to ANOTHER GRUB walking towards her. "want to have a good time."

"sure do "said ANOTHER GRUB, as they make their way inside. she takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.

" is this the 1st pussy you seen since you crawled out of one? " asked the hooker.

to which ANOTHER GRUB replied "NOPE, JUST THE 1ST ONE I'VE SEEN BIG ENOUGH TO CRAWL BACK INTO!!!!

[mighty_tiger_79]

that would be about right too!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[magpie in the 80's]

MAL was in a bar complaining about having a headache. "i have a great cure for a headache" says his mate BAYMAN.

"when ever i have a headache, i head home and get my wife to give me a long, slow and wet head job." "it works all the time MAL" says BAYMAN "you should try it"

a week went by and MAL and BAYMAN are sitting in the pub when BAYMAN asks "did you try my headache cure MAL?"

"YES,YES I DID" replies MAL and "OH BY THE WAY YOUR HOUSE IS NICE TOO!!!!

[mal]

LATEST RATINGS
-----------------------

M80
THE TAMPON......... 7-0
HOOKER/COCKS.... 8-1
AG/HOOKER.......... 7-3
BAYMAN HEADACHE 8-8 a rip snorter

MY TURN
----------

Elvis Presleys greatest hits.

Jailhouse Rock
Love Me Tender
In The Ghetto
Suspicious Minds
The Bathroom Floor

[Squawk]

MAL - a 6.6 from me for Elvis' greatest hits

[Squawk]

A North Adelaide supporter found himself in a brothel on Hanson Rd and
decided to approach a prostitute.
He asked her, "How much do you charge for the hour?”
"$100," She replied.
"Do you do Rooster style?"
Not knowing exactly what this was she refused.
He tried to sweeten the deal and said, "I'll pay you $300 to do it
Rooster style".
Again she declined.
Being the persistent type, he laid down the final offer,
"I'll give you $500 to go Rooster style with me! What do you say?"
Finally she agrees thinking, "Well I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've been there and done that, and had every kind of request from weirdo's all over the world. How bad could Rooster style be?"
After several intense hours of feather ruffling and pecking, she turned to him and said "That wasn’t so bad after all, (although not as good as I’ve had it from other SANFL supporters). I was a bit worried when you mentioned Rooster style .What exactly does that refer to?"
The North supporter opened a can of beer and replied, "I'll pay you next
Wednesday after Rob Gerard has paid all of us.

Come in spinners.......

[mal]

An old North Adelaide barracker has just been put in a nursing home.
He was feeling frisky and went into the south wing of the hostel and
went up to a room of old biddys and exposed himself to them and called out
" Super cock, super cock."
But he got no respose by the women.
He went to the North wing of the hostel and pulled down his pants and yelled out.
" Super cock , super cock."
Once again he was ignored by the geezers.
He then went to the cafeteria where he spotted a woman at a table, he jumped
on the table dropped his dacks and shouted out .
" Super cock, super cock."
The lady slowly raised her head up and said.
" I'll have the soup please."

[magpie in the 80's]

MALS been stranded on a desert island for 10 years. one day elle mcphearson swims to the beach wearing a wet suit.

"g'day" says MAL am i ever so happy to see you. ELLE says "hi it seems like you've been here a while."

"how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" MAl says "i'ts been 10 years. with this information ELLE unzips a slot in her wet suit and gives MAL a cigarette. "oh thank you so much ELLE." says MAL

ELLE then says "how long since you had a drink MAL?" "10 years also" says MAL. ELLE unzips another slot on her wet suit and pulls out a flask of whiskey and gives MAL a drink. "thank you so much ELLE your like a miracle" says MAL.

finally ELLE starts to pull down the front of her wet suit and asks MAL sexually "how long since you've played around MAL?"

MAL looked at ELLE excitedly and said "DONT TELL ME YOU"VE GOT A SET OF GOLF CLUBS IN THERE TOO!!!

[magpie in the 80's]

ANOTHER GRUB, BAYMAN AND MAL went to see the girls on hanson road. once in the club there was this gorgeous stripper on stage.

she went up to ANOTHER GRUB and waved her little butt in his face, so he slipped her $50 note into her g'string.
she thought hhhmmm.

she went up to BAYMAN and waved her little butt in his face hoping the same would happen and yes BAYMAN puts a $50 note in to her g'string.

well, thinking she's dudded these 2 guys why not try for the third. so she went up to MAL and waved her little butt in his face, so MAL pulled out his credit card, swiped her crack and took the 2 $50 notes

[mal]

MALS been stranded on a desert island for 10 years. one day elle mcphearson swims to the beach wearing a wet suit.

"g'day" says MAL am i ever so happy to see you. ELLE says "hi it seems like you've been here a while."

"how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" MAl says "i'ts been 10 years. with this information ELLE unzips a slot in her wet suit and gives MAL a cigarette. "oh thank you so much ELLE." says MAL

ELLE then says "how long since you had a drink MAL?" "10 years also" says MAL. ELLE unzips another slot on her wet suit and pulls out a flask of whiskey and gives MAL a drink. "thank you so much ELLE your like a miracle" says MAL.

finally ELLE starts to pull down the front of her wet suit and asks MAL sexually "how long since you've played around MAL?"

MAL looked at ELLE excitedly and said "DONT TELL ME YOU"VE GOT A SET OF GOLF CLUBS IN THERE TOO!!!

A young lad screwed Elle one night on the top of the AMP building in Adelaide.
He stood proud and tall and as he did up his fly he told Elle,
" Im gunna tell all me mates I screwed the famoue Elle."
Elle was mad and pushed the young lad of the building,and he yelled out.
" F.....g ELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE."
Splat.

[magpie in the 80's]

BAYMAN's girlfriend told him that they couldn't afford the $40 for a carton of beer each week.

then she told him they couldn't afford $25 on smokes either and he had to give up.

one day BAYMAN catches his girlfriend spending $65 on make up and complains "how come i have to give up beer and smokes but you don't have to give up your make up or anything?"

BAYMAN's girlfriend says "oh honey i need the make up to look pretty for you "

to which BAYMAN replied "THAT'S WHAT THE BLOODY BEER WAS FOR!!!!"