BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[Swamp Donkey]

Not a joke as such....... in fact one of the better explanations I have heard


'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

[mal]

Reminds me of the time my cousin George in America ordered pizza
One company had a special 2 for the price of 1
He ordered 2 supreme pizzas
The Supremes were delivered by Dianna Ross
George thought it was Michael Jackson ....

[Mr66]

The hospital that has Michael Jackson's body don't know what to do with it as the weekly plastic recycling bins have already been picked up.

[Mr66]

Q; What are the similarities between Michael Jackson and Port Adelaide?

A; They're both black & white and dead half way through the year.

[longtimewaiting_2]

michael jackson is not dead
hes been seen in the kids ward having a stroke

[longtimewaiting_2]

asking family members what colour michael jacksons coffin would be

in response to it they said it dont matter if its black or white

[Pseudo]

[Pseudo]

Jacko's going to moonwalk one final time...

[mal]

Michael Jacksons biggest hits

THRILLER
DONT STOP TILL YOU GET ENOUGH
BEAT IT
BLACK OR WHITE
THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR

[locky801]

A ringer from a huge cattle station in outback Australia appeared before St Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the ringer offered. "Once, on a trip to the backblocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales, I came across a gang of bikies, who were threatening a young shiela. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed bikie and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the daylights out of the lot of ya’s!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago..."

[Baron Greenback]

A ringer from a huge cattle station in outback Australia appeared before St Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the ringer offered. "Once, on a trip to the backblocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales, I came across a gang of bikies, who were threatening a young shiela. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed bikie and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the daylights out of the lot of ya’s!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago..."

Bwahaha. Sensational!

[Q.]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me.

I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of tea and then,' he said with a deep sigh......























'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

[silicone skyline]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZdYKooUo3g&feature=related

[mal]

RATINGS PAGES 115-119
Locky pulled out some absolute classics in this lot

DROP BEAR
8-0 GOLF liked it

LOCKY801
8-4 CHEESEBURGER absolute cracker
8-3 AU/SA/NZ BY THE FIRE brilliant, Coorong would be proud of that one
8-2 ELIZABETH NATHAN almost believable
8-0 ELIZABETH GRANNY hahahahahhahahahahahahaha
8-0 ELIZABETH SPERM COUNT oh dear
8-3 GOLF 15 MINUTES LATE
8-3 STPETERS/BIKIE very funny

WESTOZFALCON
8-0 SEYMOUR 3 EYES that was terrible!

SMITHY
8-2 MISSISSPPI clever

STRAWB07
8-3 DOMINOS PIZZA smart

PAFC
8-1 TAXI HEAD JOB

QUICHEY
8-3 FARAH/JACKO
8-7 JACKO/HARE

MR66
8-1 JACKO/PA

THE YETTI
8-4 TWELVE YEAR OLD NUTS


Good batch of gags , well done once again To Lockys contribution

Michael Jackson Jokes
Some of the gags are gunna be below the belt
Just seems to be a thing, when celebs pass away the jokes follow asap
We should always respect the dead and gone as well
I refrained from commenting on those particular jokes in the ratings
MJ R.I.P.

[locky801]

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while
a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag."

"Oh really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if
I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."

Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You
didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the
football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee
through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used to
really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not
make the best of it? So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the
knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.

Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab
hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by
the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."

[mal]

A St Kilda barracker caught up with his mate at the pub
" After the Geelong game I drove home, I took that dirt short cut over the back way over the pass and rolled me car."
" GEEZ MATE WHAT HAPPENED?"
" Bloody rolled the car, when I came to I wuz trapped, I couldnt f...g move, I was f...g stuck there on Sunday and most of Monday, and not 1 car passed in that time."
" MATE WHAT HAPPENED THEN ?
" 2 cars came up within 30 seconds of each other."
" THANK GOD FOR THAT AND THEN.."
" Mate It was the Riewoldt's and the Ball's and I was glad to see ems."
" YOU MEAN NICK AND LUKE AND THIER PARTNERS."
" Yeah mate."
The mate pondered for a a few seconds
" HOPE YOU WERE DRAGGED OUT BY THE RIEWOLDT'S..."

[locky801]

It is the month of August, a resort town sits next to the shores of a lake. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.

He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 dollar bill on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher. The Butcher takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the pig raiser. The pig raiser takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms and takes his 100 dollar bill, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today.

[Punk Rooster]

Latest photos of the Jackson 5

[Zelezny Chucks]

This whole page of jokes reminds me of the funniest Power joke...

[am Bays]

In a recent survey, people who are Port Power supporters have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, carried out for leading toiletries firm 'Brut', a huge 86% of
Port Power supporters said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.


The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison.