BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[The reigning Ben.C]

A bloke stops to visit his mate who has a broken leg.
His friend says, "My feet are cold mate. Can you go and get me my slippers from upstairs please."
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his mate's gorgeous twin 18 year old daughters.
"Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to shag you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His mate yells back, "Of course, both of them."

Straight back at you DB!

[Drop Bear]

Sorry mate, would you like me to explain it to you?

[Strawb]

What do you call a group of Collingwood supporters running off in the same direction?
Jailbreak!

What is the difference between a Pizza and a Collingwood supporter?
Pizza can feed a family of four.

A group of Collingwood supporters are standing on their tip toes up to their necks in water What is the problem?
Not enough water.

How do you know if your house has been robbed by a Collingwood supporter?
Your bins are empty and your dogs pregnant.

How many Collingwood fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and make
excuses and Mick Malthouse to say that if the umpire had done
his job in the first place the light bulb would never have
gone out

What is your wife trying to tell you if she's wearing a Collingwood shirt to bed?
You ain't going to score.

Why do Collingwood fans stink?
So blind people can hate them, too.

How do you inflict 12 months of acute pain on a Pies supporter?
Buy them a membership for Christmas!

What is black and white and rolls on the beach?
A collingwood supporter and a seagull fighting over a chip

there are three men at the pearly gates, st peter says 'you don't seem to be on the list i'll have to go check with god if you can come in" so st peter goes away, he comes back a few minutes later to find the gates missing. 'f*ck, they must have been collingwood supporters!

[Strawb]

whats the worst thing about being a test tube baby??



Ya dad's a wanker

[(S)aintbackline]

whats the worst thing about owning a dildo farm?

the squatters.

[The reigning Ben.C]

whats the worst thing about owning a dildo farm?

the squatters.

Classic!

[Drop Bear]

A few politcally incorrect jokes:

I can't see the big deal with calling a Pakistani a Paki.
It's just the same as calling an Australian an Aussie, a Scotsman a Scot or a Frenchman a ****.

********************

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a shit."

********************

Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week. The musical chairs was a bit slow but **** me the pass the parcel was quick!!!

********************

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way,
so I stole one and asked him to forgive me

********************

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it ******* start?"

********************

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

[silicone skyline]

A gay man goes into the doctor's office and has some
> tests run.
>
> The doctor comes back and says, ' I'm not going to
> beat around the bush. You have AIDS.'
>
> The man is devastated. 'Doc, what can I do?
>
> Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots
> drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers,
> 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of All Bran, and top it
> off with a gallon of prune juice..'
>
> The man asks bewildered, ' Will that cure me, Doc?'
>
>
> Doc says, No, but it should leave you with a better
> understanding of what your ass is for.

[Baron Greenback]

A few politcally incorrect jokes:

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a s***t."

Pure gold mate!

[The reigning Ben.C]

A gay man goes into the doctor's office and has some
> tests run.
>
> The doctor comes back and says, ' I'm not going to
> beat around the bush. You have AIDS.'
>
> The man is devastated. 'Doc, what can I do?
>
> Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots
> drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers,
> 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of All Bran, and top it
> off with a gallon of prune juice..'
>
> The man asks bewildered, ' Will that cure me, Doc?'
>
>
> Doc says, No, but it should leave you with a better
> understanding of what your ass is for.

Absolute Brilliance!

[The reigning Ben.C]

Two old women are sitting in a cafe.
Margaret says to ethel, "did you come on the bus?"
Ethel replies, "yeah, but i made it look like an asthma attack."

[whatcha got there?]

George had two of the best seats at the AFL Grand Final at the MCG.
>
> As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if
> anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
>
> "No", George says, "the seat is empty."
>
> "This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right
> mind would have a Seat like this for the AFL Grand Final, the
> biggest sporting event of the year,and not use it?"
>
> George says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife
> was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is
> the first Grand Final we haven't been together since we got
> married."
>
> "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess
> you > couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or
> even a > neighbour to take the seat?"
> George shakes his head...
>
>
>
>
> "No. They're all at the funeral."
>

[locky801]

two old woman meet for a coffee, one lady says to the other "did you come on the bus" other replies "yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack"

[The reigning Ben.C]

two old woman meet for a coffee, one lady says to the other "did you come on the bus" other replies "yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack"

Nice joke mate

[Drop Bear]

Two old woman meet for a coffee. One lady says to the other "did you come on the bus?", the other replies "yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack"

[The Ash Man]

Saw a cracker T-shirt on girl in Robe yesterday:

I lost my virginity but i've still got the box it came in

[JK]

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!' Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.

To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?'

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down!"

Bloody women they think of everything!!!!

[The reigning Ben.C]

Saw a cracker T-shirt on girl in Robe yesterday:

I lost my virginity but i've still got the box it came in

I saw a cracker shirt in Hamley Bridge on the weekend:

I knew i married miss right, but i didnt know her first name was Always!

[whatcha got there?]

Saw a cracker T-shirt on girl in Robe yesterday:

I lost my virginity but i've still got the box it came in

I saw a cracker shirt in Hamley Bridge on the weekend:

I knew i married miss right, but i didnt know her first name was Always!

I saw a good one when I was in Adelaide last, guy walking around big day out with a shirt saying:
"I drink pinapple juice because I care"

HAHA

[JK]

Saw a cracker T-shirt on girl in Robe yesterday:

I lost my virginity but i've still got the box it came in

I saw a cracker shirt in Hamley Bridge on the weekend:

I knew i married miss right, but i didnt know her first name was Always!

I saw a good one when I was in Adelaide last, guy walking around big day out with a shirt saying:
"I drink pinapple juice because I care"

HAHA

Brilliant!!