BEST JOKES - Warning: Site Rules Still Apply

[trev]

Police in Lahore have just finished counting the Bodies and bullets after the cricket shootings.

the final result?

7 for 366

[The reigning Ben.C]

How do your turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry it!

[auto]

Not sure if this joke has appeared on here yet but ill submit it anyway.

An american, an englishman and an irishman were drinking in the bar atop the empire state building. The american says to the other two, "this building here is built on an ancient indian burial ground. And if you jump off the building the spirits will catch you and lift you back onto the building." The irishman says bullshit but the american says ill prove it to ya. So the american jumps off the building, falls down to the 13th floor when all of a sudden the spirits grab him and lift him back onto the building. At this the irishman jumps off the building and falls to his death. The englishman turns to the american and says, "Geez you can be a bastard sometimes superman"

[locky801]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he
Turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they Became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home
With her date. After being informed of the problem, their
Daughter's' date said he could get the peanut out..

The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to
Shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young
Man insisted that it was nothing.

Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,
'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when
He grows older?'

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.'

[silicone skyline]

How do your turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry it!

Ha!

[silicone skyline]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he
Turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they Became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home
With her date. After being informed of the problem, their
Daughter's' date said he could get the peanut out..

The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to
Shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young
Man insisted that it was nothing.

Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,
'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when
He grows older?'

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.'

Ha! Two goldies in one day!

[The reigning Ben.C]

I got a new Rolex for my birthday from the lesbian girls next door!

I think they misunderstood me when i said "I wanna watch"

[locky801]

Hello, What an Italian will do for family

An old Italian lived alone. He wanted to plant his annual tomato
garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His
only son, Alfred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Alfredo,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to
plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be
over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the
old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Fredo

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and
dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to
the old man and left.

Later that same day the old man received a
telegram from his son.

Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Fredo

[Redandblack00]

[quote="The reigning Ben.C"]How do your turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry it![/quote]

lol!

[Redandblack00]

[quote="The reigning Ben.C"]I got a new Rolex for my birthday from the lesbian girls next door!

I think they misunderstood me when i said "I wanna watch"[/quote]

gold!!!!!!

[Redandblack00]

[quote="automaticwicky"]Not sure if this joke has appeared on here yet but ill submit it anyway.

An american, an englishman and an irishman were drinking in the bar atop the empire state building. The american says to the other two, "this building here is built on an ancient indian burial ground. And if you jump off the building the spirits will catch you and lift you back onto the building." The irishman says bullshit but the american says ill prove it to ya. So the american jumps off the building, falls down to the 13th floor when all of a sudden the spirits grab him and lift him back onto the building. At this the irishman jumps off the building and falls to his death. The englishman turns to the american and says, "Geez you can be a bastard sometimes superman"[/quote]

[The reigning Ben.C]

Apparently, the Elizabeth area is the only place in Australia where Fathers day cards arent sold!

[whatcha got there?]

Apparently, the Elizabeth area is the only place in Australia where Fathers day cards arent sold!

BAHAHAHAHAHA

[Zelezny Chucks]

Apparently, the Elizabeth area is the only place in Australia where Fathers day cards arent sold!

They're all stolen??

[The reigning Ben.C]

Apparently, the Elizabeth area is the only place in Australia where Fathers day cards arent sold!

They're all stolen??

Yes. HA.

[Baron Greenback]

Q. Why don't aboriginal kids play in the sand?

A. Because cats always try to cover them up.

[Dirko]

A Chinese man walks into a Tavern, and yells out an order to the Black barman.
"Hey Nigga, get me a drink and get it NOW ! "
The barman looks up, shocked, especially seeing it's a Chinese fella.
The Chinese blokes says "Hey Nigga, never seen a Chinaman before, get me my drink"
The barman, puts down his towel, and walks up to the Chinese bloke.
"Listen here, I'm a calm man, but I cannot believe the way you've spoken to me. How
would you like to be spoken to like that?"
The Chinese blokes says he wouldn't care, so the barman tells him they'll swap roles so the
Chinese fella can see what it's like.
The Chinaman goes behind the bar, and the Black man goes outside. Next minute he walks in.
"Hey Chink, get off your arse and get me a drink, stupid gook"
The Chinaman looks up, stops polishing the glass and says;
"Sorry mate, we don't serve no Niggas in this bar....."

[The reigning Ben.C]

Im not posting anymore racist jokes on this forum cause racism is a crime and crime is for black people.

[Mythical Creature]

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?'

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, ' Very good ' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Saviour?'

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt with the pencil.

‘Jesus Christ !!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question... ‘What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? '

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that f***#@^ thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.

[Drop Bear]

Im not posting anymore racist jokes on this forum cause racism is a crime and crime is for black people.

No worries. Try and post some funny ones instead.